Three Things We Can Do In Hard Times

3 Things We Can Do In Hard Times

Enough already!  I think everyone in 2020 is probably sick and tired of this year; this virus, this unrest and tension.  I know I am.  Good news!  Here’s three things we can do in hard times such as this year.

1.     First, we laugh. 

Laughter and a sense of humor are good for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.  If it doesn’t come naturally to you, look for jokes and humor everywhere – including laughing at yourself!  Guess what?  You don’t have to be perfect; the ability to laugh at your own mistakes is associated with mental flexibility and the ability to shift perspective.  If you learn this lesson in 2020, it will serve you well the rest of your life.  Here’s 6 other benefits:

a.     Laughter promotes relaxation

b.     Laughter boosts your immune system

c.     Laughter improves your mood

d.     Laughter prevents heart disease

e.     Laughter shifts your perspective

f.      Laughter has social benefits -  hey!  It improves cooperation, communication and romance!

So, learn to laugh.  I collect jokes I can use in my “Funny Fridays” posts on social media.  Here’s one I saw:

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for 7 months now, I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore…..

2.     Next, We Cry

It’s ok to cry.  This year, as our son struggled with an unknown, mysterious, unrelenting pain-causing condition, we all cried, we pleaded with God, we let it all out.  Because it’s ok to cry. 

            Benefits of crying:

·      Detoxifies the body.  Did you know you need to be detoxified?  Yep!

·      Helps self-soothe.

·      Dulls pain – now there’s a benefit!

·      Improves your mood – who would have thought it?

·      Rallies support – ok, that presupposes you’re ok crying in front of other people

·      Helps you recover from grief

·      Restores emotional balance

·      Helps a baby breathe – see, all these years, you thought they cried just to irritate you! 

And I know, I know, in our culture guys aren’t supposed to cry – with the possible exception of impending death or divorce – and then only in private.  But I won’t tell on you if you break this unspoken rule.  Because I’m a counselor and I know what helps!

But because most men follow the rules, here’s what you can also do:

·      Be angry, and sin not – the Bible tells us so. 

·      Release frustrations by hitting pillows, (not walls; that’s bad for your fists and the wall).

·      Write out all those feelings on paper, or the computer. 

·      Physical activity – you can furiously run, do other sports or exercise. 

The main point is that you get all the nasty emotions out of your head or where they’ve been stuffed down in your body to the outside.

3.      Thirdly, We Do Something

            I watched an old movie the other night – Flight of the Phoenix – with Jimmy Stewart – the story of a WWII plane shot down in the desert – and the survivors are racing against time when they will run out of water.  At first, they’re propped up against the broken remains of their plane, exhausted and depressed.  One guy says he can fix the plane so it will fly, but it seems an impossible and improbable task. 

            At some point, one of them said: “it’s better to be occupied – even if it doesn’t work and the plane doesn’t fly, we can lie around and watch each other die or we can work together.  Let’s DO something.” They forced their tired bodies into action – and you could see the rejuvenation happen on the screen.   Because, you see, purpose and passion creates energy.  When you’re down, do something!

            That reminds me of the story in the Bible (2 Kings 7:8-20) of 4 lepers sitting outside the city gates who were basically in the same situation.  There was famine in the city, and it looked like there was no hope anywhere.  They said to one another: “why sit here until we die?  If we go into the city, we will die; and if we sit here, we’ll also die.  So let’s surrender to the army of the Syrians; if they keep us alive, we shall live and if they kill us, we shall but die.”  We’re going to die either way, we might as well do something!

            Sometimes, especially in hard times like now, our bodies and our minds can trap us into believing “what’s the use?  Nothing’s going to change anyway.”  We can get discouraged and give up.  But hear this:      

            Figure out something you’ve been wanting to try; or something you already know you like to do.  I talked to a lady who used to LOVE to teach kids how to cook, but she had given up on that.  As she began to think about that, her eyes lit up and you could just see the ideas starting to percolate.  “She could do that by Zoom now!”  She remembered that passion and it developed into purpose.

            What makes you come alive?  What brings you life?  Remember these three tips:  After you’ve laughed; after you’ve cried, it’s time to dream. 

Me?  I decided to do video recordings of my “Therapy Thursday” social media posts.  So much more fun!  Purpose and Passion get you “unstuck,” bring you energy, and will help get you through tough times.

Is "Virus Fatigue" Real?

Is “Virus Fatigue” Real?

• ·      70% of people say they need a break from the news because COVID-related news makes them feel worse emotionally.

• ·       I’ve seen hundreds of comments on social media that look like this: 

•  “I am…..Lonely, angry, tired of being strong, of having to be a superwoman, sad, discouraged, feeling let down, afraid, and overwhelmed.”  Others said they were mad at God but afraid to admit it; they missed church, friends and loved ones.  And I’m still haunted by the cry of one of my clients, “I’m safe, but I’m not OK!”

            Whether we call these reactions quarantine fatigue (relating to our emotional state) or virus fatigue (referring to physical symptoms), I think we can safely declare that virus/quarantine fatigue is real, and it has infected a lot of us. 

            So if you come down with this bug, what are you supposed to do?  What CAN you do?

First of all, let’s strike down some myths that likely surround this contagious state.

Myth 1:  The pain will go away faster if you ignore it. 

FACT:  Trying to ignore your feelings or keep them from surfacing will only make

It worse in the long run.  For real healing, it is necessary to face this situation and actively deal with it. 

            Some of the comments from that vast number of social media followers read like this:

            “It feels good just to get the words out,”

            “When I write my feelings and my prayers down, it helps,” 

            These folks have discovered what I know as a coach and counselor:  When you acknowledge your fears – by writing them down or talking to a safe person – they lose some of their power to control you.  You see, when they just run amok in your brain, they circle and circle around and, like a Twilight Show episode, will drive you crazy with all the “ANTS – Awful Negative Thoughts.”  

ANTS - Awful Negative Thoughts

So take away that control – face those scary thoughts head on and say them out loud.

Myth 2:   It’s important to be “strong” in the face of crisis. 

FACT:  Feeling sad, frightened or lonely is a normal reaction in times like these.

Crying doesn’t mean you’re weak.  And you don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front.  Showing your true feelings can help them and you.  Think about what people have found to help in difficult times:  For example: “Sometimes it’s OK to not be OK.”  “What helps me is a good cry.”  And Paul tells us in the Bible:  “…that is why for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in… hardships, for when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

            Myth 3. If you DON’T cry or freak out, you’re not worried at all and must be in denial. 

            FACT:  Crying is a normal response to sadness, loneliness or fear, but it’s not the only one.  Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others.  They may simply handle things differently or have other ways of expressing their feelings.  I would also add that some people get angry, and that’s OK too.  Even the Bible instructs us to “be angry, but sin not.”  So as long as you find a healthy outlet for that anger; (i.e. no yelling, screaming or hurting others for example), you’re good.  A lot of times you can work off anger by physical exercise, or use the energy generated to set boundaries or start something you’ve been afraid to face. 

Now, let’s talk about what we can do to get through this virus fatigue.

1.     Like physical, spiritual and emotional fatigue, you need rest to get over this bug. 

The “I’ve-got-to-keep-going-24/7-to-be-successful” atmosphere the world has developed over past generations has not been our friend.  “REST is not a bad word, so don’t feel guilty for resting.” 

2.     Lack of consistency or structure contributes to this bug, and the longer the lockdown lasts, the more risk there is for emotional toil. 

So the answer is – you guessed it – routines and plans. Get up every morning and get dressed, even if it’s in comfortable clothes.  But it’s better than lying around all day in your pj’s.  Put makeup on and be beautiful just for you and your family.  After all, they’re the important ones in your life, right?  Divide your day into work-time and rest-time, play-time and productive time.  You’ll feel more in charge of you, your day and this pesky virus fatigue.

3.     I started this blog by reporting that most people need a break from the news because COVID-related news makes them feel worse emotionally.  Well HELLO, yes it does!

One of the best treatments for this virus fatigue is not to feed it.

            This may take discipline on your part, but I guarantee you when you don’t start your morning with the latest news on TV, computer or newspaper, you’re off to a better start.  Follow that up by only checking social media for interesting, educational or fun facts your Facebook friends offer.  You really can skip over all those dire predictions and discouraging statistics.  Believe me, if there’s something important you need to know in the world, you’ll hear about it.  I remember when 9/11 occurred, we didn’t see it on TV or know anything about it until some friends called.  You’ll find out if you need to know it.

            You’ve heard – and you know – about other physical and spiritual remedies; I just wanted to offer you something for your mental health today.

            So take a break already – go the mountains or to the beach; get out in your backyard and watch for birds and butterflies.  Let’s beat this virus fatigue bug!