Three Things We Can Do In Hard Times

3 Things We Can Do In Hard Times

Enough already!  I think everyone in 2020 is probably sick and tired of this year; this virus, this unrest and tension.  I know I am.  Good news!  Here’s three things we can do in hard times such as this year.

1.     First, we laugh. 

Laughter and a sense of humor are good for your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.  If it doesn’t come naturally to you, look for jokes and humor everywhere – including laughing at yourself!  Guess what?  You don’t have to be perfect; the ability to laugh at your own mistakes is associated with mental flexibility and the ability to shift perspective.  If you learn this lesson in 2020, it will serve you well the rest of your life.  Here’s 6 other benefits:

a.     Laughter promotes relaxation

b.     Laughter boosts your immune system

c.     Laughter improves your mood

d.     Laughter prevents heart disease

e.     Laughter shifts your perspective

f.      Laughter has social benefits -  hey!  It improves cooperation, communication and romance!

So, learn to laugh.  I collect jokes I can use in my “Funny Fridays” posts on social media.  Here’s one I saw:

Anyone else feel like Halloween is unnecessary this year? I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for 7 months now, I don’t think I need a day dedicated to it anymore…..

2.     Next, We Cry

It’s ok to cry.  This year, as our son struggled with an unknown, mysterious, unrelenting pain-causing condition, we all cried, we pleaded with God, we let it all out.  Because it’s ok to cry. 

            Benefits of crying:

·      Detoxifies the body.  Did you know you need to be detoxified?  Yep!

·      Helps self-soothe.

·      Dulls pain – now there’s a benefit!

·      Improves your mood – who would have thought it?

·      Rallies support – ok, that presupposes you’re ok crying in front of other people

·      Helps you recover from grief

·      Restores emotional balance

·      Helps a baby breathe – see, all these years, you thought they cried just to irritate you! 

And I know, I know, in our culture guys aren’t supposed to cry – with the possible exception of impending death or divorce – and then only in private.  But I won’t tell on you if you break this unspoken rule.  Because I’m a counselor and I know what helps!

But because most men follow the rules, here’s what you can also do:

·      Be angry, and sin not – the Bible tells us so. 

·      Release frustrations by hitting pillows, (not walls; that’s bad for your fists and the wall).

·      Write out all those feelings on paper, or the computer. 

·      Physical activity – you can furiously run, do other sports or exercise. 

The main point is that you get all the nasty emotions out of your head or where they’ve been stuffed down in your body to the outside.

3.      Thirdly, We Do Something

            I watched an old movie the other night – Flight of the Phoenix – with Jimmy Stewart – the story of a WWII plane shot down in the desert – and the survivors are racing against time when they will run out of water.  At first, they’re propped up against the broken remains of their plane, exhausted and depressed.  One guy says he can fix the plane so it will fly, but it seems an impossible and improbable task. 

            At some point, one of them said: “it’s better to be occupied – even if it doesn’t work and the plane doesn’t fly, we can lie around and watch each other die or we can work together.  Let’s DO something.” They forced their tired bodies into action – and you could see the rejuvenation happen on the screen.   Because, you see, purpose and passion creates energy.  When you’re down, do something!

            That reminds me of the story in the Bible (2 Kings 7:8-20) of 4 lepers sitting outside the city gates who were basically in the same situation.  There was famine in the city, and it looked like there was no hope anywhere.  They said to one another: “why sit here until we die?  If we go into the city, we will die; and if we sit here, we’ll also die.  So let’s surrender to the army of the Syrians; if they keep us alive, we shall live and if they kill us, we shall but die.”  We’re going to die either way, we might as well do something!

            Sometimes, especially in hard times like now, our bodies and our minds can trap us into believing “what’s the use?  Nothing’s going to change anyway.”  We can get discouraged and give up.  But hear this:      

            Figure out something you’ve been wanting to try; or something you already know you like to do.  I talked to a lady who used to LOVE to teach kids how to cook, but she had given up on that.  As she began to think about that, her eyes lit up and you could just see the ideas starting to percolate.  “She could do that by Zoom now!”  She remembered that passion and it developed into purpose.

            What makes you come alive?  What brings you life?  Remember these three tips:  After you’ve laughed; after you’ve cried, it’s time to dream. 

Me?  I decided to do video recordings of my “Therapy Thursday” social media posts.  So much more fun!  Purpose and Passion get you “unstuck,” bring you energy, and will help get you through tough times.

How Are You Holding Up This Year?

How are you holding up this year?

(Join me on Facebook live Oct. 1 as we discuss this topic – 1 p.m. Mountain time) 

            Some people are doing ok; others, not so well.  Kelly Taylor, a worker in the Geotech industry had this to say:  “The fact that I don’t interact with anybody at all is difficult.  Even as an introvert, it gets really old being inside my head all the time.”  She went on to say,  “I feel isolated and like nobody cares about me or even gives me enough thought to care.”  Well, all I can say is, “Kelly, I bet you’re not alone.”  In fact, here’s some interesting research I found about mental health burnout, published by Martec Corp.

This study found 4 groups in various stages of burnout:    

1.    Thriving – 16% of workers in this category – primarily females in mid 20’s to mid 50’s and those who described themselves as introverts

2.    Hopeful – 25%. – Satisfied with employers but struggle with mental health and productivity issues

3.    Discouraged – 26% - Significant decline in mental health and job satisfaction

4.    Trapped – 33% - Suffered the biggest decline in mental health and in company satisfaction – missed out the most - interacting with colleagues.  Miserable at home and anxious to return to how things were before.

People in categories 3 and 4 were primarily extraverts – that makes sense, doesn’t it?  They’re the ones most in need of energy-rechargers like people, noise, and lots of things going on!  

             Where do you find yourself?  Obviously, we all want to be in the “Thriving” Category, but those results showed only 16% -- What are those folks doing to thrive? 

            Resiliency is the big winner – that ability to adapt, to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness.  Just like Mortimer the Cat here tells us, “you don’t throw someone out just because they’ve been dinged up a bit.”  People with resiliency may get dinged up a bit, but they will make it – to that “thriving” category. 

            How can you become more resilient?  Here are 10 ways:

1.    Don’t try to solve problems with the same thinking that created them.  If you keep wishing for “the good old days before COVID,” that won’t help.

2.    Master your emotions before they manage you.  Remember you’ve overcome setbacks before and you can do it again.

3.    Stay tough – Face your fears and focus on possibilities.

4.    Keep growing – Life is not what happens to us, but what happens in us.

5.    Stay prepared – Don’t get “analysis paralysis.”

6.    Pick yourself up, as many times as it takes.  Never give up!

7.    Reward the small wins.  Believe in yourself

8.    Keep giving – Don’t stop your tithing; find ways to care for others

9.    Build relationships, both personal and professional

10. Create your own meaning – a personal “why.” 

Remember the choices we make every day determine how resilient we can be when things go wrong. 

      I encourage you to be one of the 16% who’s thriving – even in this year of I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening!  Even if you can identify with Mortimer the Cat - dinged up but still hanging in there!

      And if you need some help in moving into that category, please e-mail me for a counseling appointment – and remember to join me each Thursday at 1 p.m. Mountain time on Facebook when I’ll share my “Therapy Thursday’s”.

She Was Someone Who Couldn't Say No -- Is That You?

In my book, Yes! I Said No!, I share the example of Susan, a client who came to see me because of extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and depression.  

Over the years, she had adopted an unhealthy lifestyle, one of trying to please others. She was someone who couldn’t say “No.”

The step-by-step process I utilized in the office with her and others like her, was so successful, I began to conduct workshops to help others. 

Maybe you can relate to Susan. 

Maybe you're sick of feeling unheard. 

Maybe you're sick and tired of fighting, disagreeing, and going over the same issues over and over. 

Maybe you're tired of feeling stuck. 

Maybe you didn’t learn how to live differently. You weren’t taught. By recognizing this, you're not throwing anyone under the bus or blaming. You ARE saying you didn't learn. And, it’s ok – because you can get the tools now! 

I created this masterclass for you — if you want LESS STRESS & MORE SUCCESS.

In this class, you will get keys:

• To improve your marriage.

• To create closer family relationships.

• To say no without blowing up, wimping out or running away.

• To stop being a people pleaser.

• To care for people without carrying them.

• To restore healthy relationships.

• To be more confident. 

• To experience less stress and more success in work relationships – with bosses, colleagues, and clients.

• To more easily talk to people, 1:1, small groups, large groups.

BENEFITS:

Reduce Conflict.

Reduce Stress.

Build Rapport Fast.

Become a more Confident Communicator.

Get effective, efficient, comfortable, and have more fun.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Use your new awareness to understand yours and others' behaviors over the years.

• Take the codependency assessment and gain new self-awareness. 

• Stop hurting your relationship. Use your new awareness to build your relationships.

• Reduce stress by communicating more clearly in a way you never could before.

• How to serve others more successfully.

• How to build rapport quickly which means that you build trust and agreement more easily.

• How to use in a group as well as 1:1.

• GET MORE CONFIDENT.

DETAILS:

• Intimate class setting – 20 seats max. 

• Class worksheets – which means no more scrambling to take all the notes!  

• 4 classes versus 1 crammed-jam-packed-mega-class – which means you have time to process and ask questions.

• Group Coaching — which means you will learn with each other. 

• Break-out sessions — which means you get to practice.

• Miss a class? It’s ok! You’ll get the RECORDED LINK.

• Four one hour LIVE ONLINE dynamic classes taught by Barbra Russell. 

WHEN:

Saturday mornings, July 11, 18, 25 and August 1, 2020

At 10 A.M. Mountain Time 

(Schedule conflict? No worries. Register to get recorded links.)

WHERE:

You’ll get a unique Zoom link once you register.

Would you like to give a registration as a gift to someone? Email me.

Do you need a payment plan? Tap here.

Do you still have some questions? Email me.

Email: barb@barbrarussell.com

INVEST IN YOURSELF

What you get:

• The opportunity to gather, get encouraged, get equipped.

• Class worksheets and notes.

• Codependency Assessment

• Access to Class Recordings

• Dynamic class, group coaching, and tools to boost your communication and impact your relationships.

The Quarantine/Crisis/CoronaChaos Discounted Price, for Summer

2020: $149 

That's a total value of over $500 worth of therapy and tools combined for all 4 classes, for only $149. Tap here to choose the payment plan 37.50 every month for 4 months.

Yes. I want these tools which will impact my communication at work, volunteering, and at home!

This crisis has taken too much from you already, hasn’t it? Get the tools.

• Say no without blowing up, wimping out or running away

• Stop being a people pleaser

• Care for people without carrying them

• Restore healthy relationships

• Be confident! 

Yes. Sign me up, sign me up!

I still have some questions.

Email Barbra at barb@barbrarussell.com 

Live your best life, starting now! 

Crisis Coping with the Coach and the Counselor

Need practical tools and tips to deal with the Year of the Corona Virus?

Ana-Christina Hicks (Certified Coach) and me (Licensed Counselor) decided to put our heads together for people who need quick and easy to follow guidelines for help. Each Friday morning at 10 am. MST we share a short video, then have a time for discussion - all on Zoom from the comfort of your home, office or anywhere!

Join us at https://bit.ly/ZOOMCCCC

What Can We Learn From The Greatest Generation?

            It’s been said that America was able to win in World War II because its’ men and women went through the Great Depression. 

        During that time, my grandfather became a moonshiner – making whiskey in the woods, and my mother’s family drove from Oklahoma to California to work in the fruit orchards just like the movie “Grapes of Wrath.”

The Greatest Generation, as they’ve been called, suffered through hardship and deprivation in the depression (no coffee, no sugar, no nylons and no work) and learned to innovate and create something out of nothing.  And those changes stayed with them.   I still remember my parents saving plastic containers and shopping at Goodwill, even when it was no longer necessary. 

         Importantly, that generation developed common values of personal responsibility, duty, honor, country and faith because they fought a common enemy – first the Great Depression, then a Great War.

        Their remarkable actions provided succeeding generations (you and me) with opportunities to excel like never before.

        Now, like them, we fight a common enemy and we can no longer deny our need for cooperation and dependence on one another.  By working together, by digging deep within our own resources and resolve, we will win this COVID-19 war and all the effects reverberating through our economy, our relationships and our way of life.  We will be tested, but we will make it!

        As the saying goes, it is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars. 

        How are you shining in this time?  I’m becoming a “zoomie,”  doing on-line counseling and trying to encourage others by writing – like this blog or on social media and hosting a Bible study counseling class.  Those are my gifts and where I think I can do the most good.

        You have gifts and are perhaps learning new skills that will benefit you and others.  This is the time to shine!  And this is your time to share!  You may inspire someone else! 

Negative Assumptions -- They're Killers

Negative Assumptions – They’re Killers

 “The doctor didn’t call today; I know that means the test results are bad and they just don’t want to tell me.”

“She looked upset; I know she’s mad at me.”

“He didn’t text.  He doesn’t love me anymore.”

“They didn’t even look at me or say hello or anything today.  I know we’ll never be friends again.”

Have you ever thought things like this?  Naaaahhhhhh not you, right?  Guess again.  I believe I can truthfully say that most people have experienced this worrisome condition at some time in their lives and if they’re prone to anxiety and depression, they’re suffering a lot. 

Such assumptions cause stress hormones like cortisol to start racing through your body like a lake rapidly covering all surrounding territory after the dam breaks. When you think about it, you’ll realize negative assumptions arise out of fear.

·         “What if I’m going to die?”

·         “What if I lose that friendship?”

·         “What if we get a divorce?”

The devastation caused by such damage, especially if it happens repeatedly, is severe, ranging from stress and depression to ulcers, illness or divorce.  Even scarier, negative assumptions can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies and you hear yourself saying, like Job of old, “what I feared has come to pass.”

Yet, you can survive and even thrive after you become aware and then begin to capture and change those negative assumptions.  Couples often get caught in this trap, reluctant to communicate because they might not like what they hear.  And so the assumptions pile up against the ever-weakening dam of their relationship.

Turn the tide by learning from this couple I cited in my book, “Yes! I Said No!”

Todd recently asked his wife Sandra this question: “What did you mean by that?”

His question took her by surprise because he had never asked her that before.  But his tone was respectful, with a genuine “I-really-want-to-know” attitude.  She quickly recovered from her surprise, and they began to discuss an earlier conversation.  As they talked, both realized he had misunderstood something she had said.

It was a good thing he asked the question.

Don’t be afraid to ask the question.  Face your fears and call the doc’s office; get up your courage and reach out to your friend.  Or, do what Todd did and ask your spouse, “what did you mean by that?”

Your relationships will grow closer; your body will appreciate the necessary care you give it, and most of all you won’t let negative assumptions rule you – because they can be a killer.

n

I Remember the Bad..............And It Helps

I remember the bad……… and it helps

   When you are knocked to your knees by things you didn’t see coming or that you were unprepared to handle, don’t let that fate become your future. 

There have been times when, looking back over the year, I’d “count my many blessings and name them one by one.”

Not this year.  This year I cried.  A lot.  This year I felt discouraged.  Many times.  This year I had to keep giving myself a pep talk to “practice what you preach” about gratitude, faith and believing.

Our son has been through 10 months of hell with severe back pain, stomach issues, weird problems with thyroid issues – and he no longer even has a thyroid.  If you’ve ever walked with a loved one through such torment, you know it drains you, frustrates and annoys you, because you can’t help.  They’re suffering, and because they are, you are.  Yes, that’s where I’ve been.  

Then I remember the bad…….. and it helps.

“Why?”  you might ask.

Because when I remember other bad times and other terrible situations I’ve been through, when I reflect on others’ pain and that they’ve somehow made it, I’m encouraged to believe I can too.    

 I remember when I was bed-ridden for almost a year, in severe pain, unable to work, clean my house or cook.  And yet, even though it seemed to stretch into eternity, I did recover, and returned to work and life. 

I remember bad days when my husband seemed to be wasting away in front of our eyes and no one could decide if he had Lyme’s disease or some other debilitating horror.  It was a very bad year.  However, he came back stronger than ever and now, when others are taking it easy, he bounds up stairs in a way younger men would envy.   

I remember my niece hearing those dreaded words, “if you have family. you need to say your good-byes.”  That was not a good Easter season.  Nevertheless, that same year at Christmas, she gleefully checked off a bucket-list item and waded into the Pacific Ocean for the first time ever. 

I remember the bad…….. and it helps.

I saw a quote the other day that read like this:  “On particularly rough days, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good.” 

Yes, I remember the bad days.  And it helps. I celebrate because life seems even more precious now.  When you have bad days or a bad year, remember you’ll get through them.   As the old saying goes:  “What does not kill us makes us stronger.”   Bill Johnson once talked about Faith being both a Gift and a Fruit, and fruit can grow.   Perhaps ironically, it seems the prime growing season for Faith is in bad times.

 That’s why I remember the bad…….. and it helps.

If this has been a great year of counting your blessings, I celebrate with you!  However, if you say, “this was not a good year,” I encourage you to remember:  this too shall pass.

When you are knocked to your knees by things you didn’t see coming or that you were unprepared to handle, don’t let that fate become your future.  Get back up.  

And sometimes if you remember the bad you’ve been through…..it will help. 

The Scary Trifecta of Mental Health -- Anxiety, Depresson and Bipolar

            I’m a counselor, right?  So I figure it would be good to write something about anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder, a trifecta of mental health experiences you’ve probably heard about. 

Cease and desist complaining!

 Random Facts About Anxiety

The constant and continually changing worries of people with anxiety disorder are mostly about everyday matters; they can’t shake the feeling that something bad will happen and they will not be prepared. (missing an appointment, losing a job, having an accident)  Anxiety is the most common mental illness in the U.S. 

            Included in anxiety conditions are various phobias like social phobia, agoraphobia and OCD, or obsessive compulsive disorder.  And if you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know those symptoms of heart racing, numbness and  tingling in your extremities, short, gasping breaths can send you to the emergency room, thinking you’re having a heart attack!  That’s how scary anxiety can be. 

            As shown on the thermal images of the picture above, the brain’s chemistry is directly affected in anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. 

Depression

Is more than just sadness.   People with depression may experience a lack of interest and pleasure in daily activities, significant weight loss or gain, insomnia or excessive sleeping, lack of energy, inability to concentrate, feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

            A recent study revealed that in general, 300 million people worldwide experience depression.  That’s 300l,000,000 – a lot!  About 50% have both anxiety and depression.

            As in anxiety, the brain’s chemistry is impacted by an overload of adrenaline creating cortisol, the stress hormone.  High levels of cortisol can wear down the brain’s ability to function properly, so you definitely want to stop that production as quickly as possible! 

            Fortunately, depression is treatable. A combination of therapy and antidepressant medication can help ensure recovery. (American Psychological Association). 

 Bipolar Disorder

A serious mental illness in which common emotions become intensely and often unpredictably magnified. Individuals with bipolar disorder can quickly swing from extremes of happiness, energy and clarity to sadness, fatigue and confusion. These shifts can be so devastating that individuals may choose suicide.

All people with bipolar disorder have manic episodes — abnormally elevated or irritable moods that last at least a week and impair functioning. But not all become depressed (WebMD)

            Although bipolar disorder is a disruptive, long-term condition, you can keep your moods in check by following a treatment plan. In most cases, bipolar disorder can be controlled with medications and psychological counseling (psychotherapy).

 What Can Be Done About These Three?

            If things are bad enough, you may need an antidepressant and/or anti-anxiety medication.  With bipolar disorder, you generally need to see a psychiatrist to see if you will benefit from a mood stabilizer as well. 

Some other helpful things you can do on your own:

·         Science agrees that food can be a powerful tool for people dealing with depression and anxiety.  The good and bad news:  Sugar throughout the day with ice cream and candy needs to be cut way down.  And, of course, as we have all heard (but might not heed) the messages of no grains, no dairy, more healthy fats, medium amounts of protein and most importantly, lots of vegetables.

·         Exercise is so beneficial that some people have overcome their symptoms by regular working out, running, or walking.  If you start feeling anxious, doing a few jumping jacks, or a quick walk around the office or home helps give that extra adrenaline a place to exit! 

·         Set healthy boundaries – I once had a client with an extreme case of anxiety and depression who began to speak up for herself, told her family and friends no most of the time so she could choose to say yes when she wanted. (See Yes! I Said No!)

·         Care enough to confront.  Many people avoid confrontation like the plague; as a result, they often stuff anger and resentment so deep it turns into depression.  I have a list of 10 guidelines to help you confront positively that you can receive by contacting me at barb@barbrarussell.com 

·         Practice gratitude.   I believe this is so crucial, it could have gone to the top of the list.  Most people automatically look for what’s wrong (a survival mechanism, after all), but that continual sweep of your environment or hearing what’s wrong repeatedly in the media (including social media), will definitely stress you out!  I recommend writing down 3 new things you are grateful for each day. 

I trust this information has been helpful; if I can provide additional information or answer any questions, I am happy to do so. 

Here’s to living well – Barbra Russell   

Comparison and Competition

Comparison and Competition causes us to lose the joy of being and doing what God has designed us to be and do.

These are probably the biggest obstacles I — and I dare say — others — fight on a regular basis. And then when you add impatience into the mix, oh brother!

So I love this sign I keep in my office to remind me that I do have a DREAM, and God put it there. My job is to believe and to do the next thing I see and find to do. What about you?

Anyone else have these or other dream-killers?

Four Christmas Killers

Four Christmas killers:

1.  Rushing

2. Living in anxiety

3. Doing too much

4. Forgetting our greatest gift is who we are, not what we do

Four antidotes:

1.  Make a list of what needs to be done, then say “there is plenty of time.“

2. Make time to breathe deeply three times a day

3. Learn to say no – I know a good book for that!

4. Every day be grateful for the abilities you have

3 Things To Stop; 3 Things To Start To Be A Highly Effective Woman

3 Things To Stop; 3 Things To Start To Be A Highly Effective Woman

Outline:     

2 Corinthians 5:17 – Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  The old has gone; the new has come.

3 Things To Stop

 1.    Stop letting others dictate how YOU feel about YOU

2.   Stop looking for what’s wrong – even though we’re wired that way

3.   Stop being afraid – to face the past, to have a dream, to ask for what you want. 

3 Things to Start

1.    Start training others (yes, training – not teaching) how to treat you

2.   Start celebrating when you make a change – it affects the brain

3.   Start focusing on the 90% - The power of positive thinking

www.BarbraRussell.com

Healthy Boundaries Class

Yes, I Said No!
Setting Healthy Boundaries

Why We Need: Yes, I said No! Setting Healthy Boundaries:

In this class, participants will discover the answer to such questions as:

●       Have you experienced burnout or find it difficult to have time for both work and family?

●       Do you find it difficult to speak up for yourself?

●       Do you ever feel you have too much to do and not enough time to do it?

●       Is your life controlling you, instead of your being in charge of your own life?

All these concerns, and more, can be solved with proper boundaries to protect work/life balance and the challenges of an overloaded schedule or demands from family and friends. 

     “Setting Healthy Boundaries” is an eight-week class starting March 1 offered at the Potter’s House Church of Denver, 9495 E. Florida Avenue.  There is no charge for this class which will be held on Thursday evenings from 6:30-8:00 p.m. 

      Presented by Barbra Russell, Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the book, Yes! I Said No! – How To Set Healthy Boundaries and Increase Your Self Esteem, these classes will help you regain your passion, excitement and life balance. 

      Class participants will learn how to:

 ·        Say no without blowing up, wimping out or running away

·        Learn how to care for people without carrying them

·        Balance work and life in a healthy manner

     To more information, contact the counseling department at The Potter’s House at 303-369-8514

The tree trunk speaks!

Just Say No! 

When it's even carved into tree trunks, you have to pay attention! Say no to the wrong things - the time grabbers, the people who leave you feeling sad and bad, or keep you dependent on them.

You'll then have the energy, passion and self confidence to say yes to risk, growth and things you love

Do you hang on to known misery rather than reach out for unknown happiness?

Do You Hang On To Known Misery Rather Than Reach Out For Unknown Happiness? 

                During July, I watched “The Sons of Liberty,” historical stories about a group of men fighting in the American Colonies for freedom.  It brought to life figures like John Adams, John Hancock, George Washington and Benjamin Franklin, those US founding fathers we usually see depicted as older, bewigged and solemn as they’re signing the Declaration of Independence.  

  This series, however, shows young, courageous and seemingly fearless men determined to break away from a far-away king’s rule, British corruption and “taxation without representation.”  They were called “The Sons of Liberty.”  

In the TV depiction Samuel Adams, cousin to the more well-known John Adams, is a hero who found his calling as colonial activist, motivating and inspiring others to rebel against the British.  While admiring his dashing acts of bravery, I was struck by this thought:  today, we might not be physically fighting for our freedom, but we often wage war in our minds.  We need freedom; we metaphorically cry: “give me liberty or give me death!”  We can relate to Samuel Adams and The Sons Of Liberty.

•          Like us, I imagine Samuel Adams often thought, “I can’t,” “why me?” or “this isn’t fair!” 
•         Samuel was unsuccessful as a businessman in colonial Boston.  Who among us hasn’t faced defeat in a business opportunity or lost a job?  At those times, we might mumble as perhaps Samuel did, “I tried it and it didn’t work.” 
•         Samuel experienced dissatisfaction with his life in general.  Perhaps, like us, he woke up one morning to discover he had turned into the wrong person. 
•         Samuel was driven by desperation – he was broke – when he took on the unpopular task of tax collector for the British.  Although it’s been almost 250 years since the Sons of Liberty spearheaded the cause for liberty, I think at one time or another we all find ourselves feeling desperate.  I know I have.  I remember times filled with hopelessness, anxiety and despair when I was ill and jobless or when I was facing a life without one of my legs.

However, something interesting happened as Samuel Adams reluctantly collected taxes; he began to see a clear pattern of British corruption that did not sit well with him!  That immense dissatisfaction and sense of outrage ultimately led to his playing a significant role in “The Boston Tea Party,” and “The American Revolution.” 

Almost 150 years later, Oswald Chambers penned words that Samuel Adams would undoubtedly have embraced and that we identify with today: “We lose interest and give up when we have no vision, no encouragement, and no improvement, but only experience our every-day life with its trivial tasks.”  Sometimes, like Samuel Adams, we just need a purpose.

In the war of our minds, we also experience times of overwhelming situations and wonder, “what on earth are you doing, God?”  We ask, “what possible good could come from such a horrible break-up, loss of a job, or devastating illness?”  If we’re honest, we get mad at God, upset with the world and are disappointed with ourselves for getting into such a mess. 

With the advantage of hindsight, we’ll later say things like, “Oh! That’s why I got so discouraged!”  Or, “Now I see what God had in mind; it was better for me to go through that situation.”   But usually, the first insight comes as we, like Samuel, start to dislike the way things are.  From that uncomfortable place, when we’ve had enough, we’re ready to do something different. 

That’s the beginning of the battle in our minds.  We long to step out of our comfort zone and react differently or try new things. But the part of our brain which seeks familiarity; which hangs on to known misery rather than seek unknown happiness, demands comfort, not challenge. 

      The first skirmish is the decisive one.  We struggle with how it’s always been, what we’ve always done and who we’ve always thought we were.  But when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the fear of change, we are ready to brawl. There may be more battles to face, more obstacles to conquer, but we’re on the way. 

And just as Samuel Adams and “The Sons of Liberty” brought freedom to our land, we can bring freedom to our minds. 

Transition and Stress

      Everyone will experience change, a transition, at one time or another.  

There is nothing so consistent as change

                During a time of transition, people normally experience stress because our brains and entire beings seek homeostasis, a survival mechanism.  We want things to stay the same.  here are some helpful tips to deal with transitions and the accompanying stress. 

                 We can help others – and us – by doing three things:

1.  Normalize This Time – People are not crazy; it’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions during this time.  From depression, anger, sadness, & disappointment to confusion and triggers which remind us of previous trauma and loss; it’s all normal

2.  Grieving The Loss – We all go through the stages of grief because in transition, we always lose something.  As in the death of a loved one, the stages apply here as well:  Shock and denial, anger and depression come and go as we grieve.  Just when we think we’ve successfully navigated one stage, we find ourselves back in the same feelings.  Again, that’s normal.  Grieving is crazy-making!  We eventuallymove to acceptance with sadness for the loss.

3.  Process The Feelings – It’s important that people don’t stuff all that grief and emotions but rather have opportunity to process, or talk about, the change in a healthy manner.  We can help by using the following skills:

•  Create Safety – Provide confidentiality; knowing what they share with you won’t go any further.

•  Listen without judgment – paraphrase the content and feeling; they will feel understood.  “i.e.,  “I hear you saying you feel pretty angry about this.” 

• What NOT To say: 
   
• • Just trust God
  • Look on the bright side
  • I conquered it this way
  • Just read and pray more
  • Or any other “advice-giving” statements.  Unsolicited advice is like chopped liver – not appreciated. 

The Meltdown

            It was August, and an idea hit me, like lightning striking a lone tree on a hilltop.  I would put on a women’s conference!  And I’d do it in two months!   After all, as one of my favorite authors, Jim Rohn, said: “The time to act is when the idea is hot and the emotion is strong.”    

            I gathered a team around me and we set out to bring that idea to life. The “Highly Effective Women’s” conference was set for October and all worked feverishly to make sure it happened. 

            Chapter nine of my newly completed book, Yes! I Said No! clearly spelled out the steps to “Dream Big; Think Small.”  That was me, right?  If I wrote it, I’d better practice it!  This seminar would be a Joyce Myers, Christine Caine, Beth Moore event, all wrapped in one! 

It was the week before the conference when the meltdown happened. 

            Like hot lava spilling out from an erupting volcano, disturbing thoughts burned my mind, leaving tears and hopelessness in their wake.  “Who do you think you are to do this?  You are definitely not those famous women you admire; you’re just the Great Pretender.”   

            You can’t entertain such thoughts without suffering severe side effects and I spent the day wallowing in self-pity and despair.  The next day, however, the stern schoolmarm part of me stepped in, saying:  “Get a grip, Barbra!  You’re going to do this thing!”  And I set out to do it, to complete the job.  After the “Highly Effective Women’s Conference” was held in October, the participants, the team and I all declared it a success.

            Why do I tell you this story?  Because I bet I’m not the only one who has dreamed a dream that seemed too big to accomplish, not the only person who has doubted their ability to make it all the way to the goal line.  Perhaps you too have heard the echoes of doubters from your past wickedly whispering in your ear, “You never finish what you start, you quitter!”  I bet I’m not the only one who has ever felt those qualms of inadequacy; not the only one who has suffered a meltdown. 

            A few weeks after the conference, I was reflecting on what happened.  Why on earth did I experience that day of panic?  It had been a while since that happened, even though I remembered other times when such mind-attacks would put me in a depressive funk for weeks or maybe even months. 

            This truth then hit me – Even though I had had a bad day, I must be further from the volcano of self-doubt, insecurity and lack of confidence in myself.  Yes, only one day of feeling discouraged equals progress for me!

            When you encounter the inevitable setbacks, discouragement and doubts which beset purpose-driven people, instead of repeating a well-rehearsed mantra such as “well, I can’t do this,” look at the progress you’ve made.  All too often we assume an “all or nothing” attitude.  We look at things as black or white; success or failure.  We need to recognize the shades of gray which represent progress. 

            I imagine if today you carefully measured the distance from your particular volcano of obstacles, you’d see yourself further down the road than you were years ago, months ago or even weeks ago.  Because it’s a fact that if you keep getting up after you fall down, you are going to succeed.  If you keep trying, you will learn and grow.  And if in the process you have a meltdown, you will discover, as I did, that it wasn’t as bad and didn’t last as long as before.  Keep on dreaming those dreams; continue taking action when the idea is hot!   

Barbra Russell, MA, LPC

Counselor/Writer/Speaker

www.BarbraRussell.com