How Are You Holding Up This Year?

How are you holding up this year?

(Join me on Facebook live Oct. 1 as we discuss this topic – 1 p.m. Mountain time) 

            Some people are doing ok; others, not so well.  Kelly Taylor, a worker in the Geotech industry had this to say:  “The fact that I don’t interact with anybody at all is difficult.  Even as an introvert, it gets really old being inside my head all the time.”  She went on to say,  “I feel isolated and like nobody cares about me or even gives me enough thought to care.”  Well, all I can say is, “Kelly, I bet you’re not alone.”  In fact, here’s some interesting research I found about mental health burnout, published by Martec Corp.

This study found 4 groups in various stages of burnout:    

1.    Thriving – 16% of workers in this category – primarily females in mid 20’s to mid 50’s and those who described themselves as introverts

2.    Hopeful – 25%. – Satisfied with employers but struggle with mental health and productivity issues

3.    Discouraged – 26% - Significant decline in mental health and job satisfaction

4.    Trapped – 33% - Suffered the biggest decline in mental health and in company satisfaction – missed out the most - interacting with colleagues.  Miserable at home and anxious to return to how things were before.

People in categories 3 and 4 were primarily extraverts – that makes sense, doesn’t it?  They’re the ones most in need of energy-rechargers like people, noise, and lots of things going on!  

             Where do you find yourself?  Obviously, we all want to be in the “Thriving” Category, but those results showed only 16% -- What are those folks doing to thrive? 

            Resiliency is the big winner – that ability to adapt, to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness.  Just like Mortimer the Cat here tells us, “you don’t throw someone out just because they’ve been dinged up a bit.”  People with resiliency may get dinged up a bit, but they will make it – to that “thriving” category. 

            How can you become more resilient?  Here are 10 ways:

1.    Don’t try to solve problems with the same thinking that created them.  If you keep wishing for “the good old days before COVID,” that won’t help.

2.    Master your emotions before they manage you.  Remember you’ve overcome setbacks before and you can do it again.

3.    Stay tough – Face your fears and focus on possibilities.

4.    Keep growing – Life is not what happens to us, but what happens in us.

5.    Stay prepared – Don’t get “analysis paralysis.”

6.    Pick yourself up, as many times as it takes.  Never give up!

7.    Reward the small wins.  Believe in yourself

8.    Keep giving – Don’t stop your tithing; find ways to care for others

9.    Build relationships, both personal and professional

10. Create your own meaning – a personal “why.” 

Remember the choices we make every day determine how resilient we can be when things go wrong. 

      I encourage you to be one of the 16% who’s thriving – even in this year of I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening!  Even if you can identify with Mortimer the Cat - dinged up but still hanging in there!

      And if you need some help in moving into that category, please e-mail me for a counseling appointment – and remember to join me each Thursday at 1 p.m. Mountain time on Facebook when I’ll share my “Therapy Thursday’s”.

Crisis Coping with the Coach and the Counselor

Need practical tools and tips to deal with the Year of the Corona Virus?

Ana-Christina Hicks (Certified Coach) and me (Licensed Counselor) decided to put our heads together for people who need quick and easy to follow guidelines for help. Each Friday morning at 10 am. MST we share a short video, then have a time for discussion - all on Zoom from the comfort of your home, office or anywhere!

Join us at https://bit.ly/ZOOMCCCC

Our Mom Taught Us A Lot Of Things -- Sometimes Silently

Thanks, Moms, For Teaching Us Silent Lessons 

             There are 7.6 billion people on the planet and yet each one of us feels unique and special.  How do we come to realize that?  Because God sent us moms. 

   Moms show us love and tell us we’re special.  But, just as importantly, they teach us silent lessons. 

             Here are three silent lessons I learned because my mom lived them:      

1.    It’s never too late, and you’re never too old.

 Late in life my mother returned to a small community school in Broken Bow Oklahoma to get her GED. My sister and I were adults and she and dad were retired when she was awarded that diploma.  “It’s never too late” she silently taught me.

 2.    You can go through hell and not be bitter or broken.

  My mother endured years of abuse from her father. She also went through The Great Depression and her family survived by selling bootleg liquor from a still in the backwoods. Those two experiences alone would be enough to make anyone resentful and mean.  But the only effect I saw was that mom kept plastic containers to re-use and recycle before recycling was the thing to do.

Instead of bitterness or brokenness, I saw grace and thankfulness birthed out of poverty and rejection.  She silently taught me: “You can go through hell and not be bitter or broken.”

3.    You can give 100% to God, your husband, your children and yourself and still have love to give.

My mother was a strong Christian, pastor’s wife, mother of two children, and she took care of herself by dealing with the effects of abuse at age 68.

In the middle of showing me how to balance different roles without sacrificing one for the other, she silently taught me: “The more you love, the more love grows” 

What did your mother silently teach you and how did that impact your life?

 I’ll tell you how those silent lessons made a difference in MY life:

 1.     I went back to school late in life. I continue to learn and can say with my mom, “it’s never too late and you’re never too old.

 2..     When the doctor kept saying “We’ll be lucky if all she loses is her leg; it’s cancer,” she had silently taught me not to give up.  And even after 10 surgeries and going through my own personal hell of surgery, recovery, and months in a wheelchair, my mother’s silent lesson taught me: “You can go through hell and not be bitter or let life break you.”

 3.     I’ve been a Christian most of my life, I have a long lasting marriage and  my son is a man to be proud of (which I’m taking partial credit for J)   I too have learned , “the more you love, the more love grows.”

 Out of 7.6 billion people, I am unique and special.  Out of 7.6 billion people, you are unique and special. 

And we have our moms to thank for teaching us silent lessons        

What Can We Learn From The Greatest Generation?

            It’s been said that America was able to win in World War II because its’ men and women went through the Great Depression. 

        During that time, my grandfather became a moonshiner – making whiskey in the woods, and my mother’s family drove from Oklahoma to California to work in the fruit orchards just like the movie “Grapes of Wrath.”

The Greatest Generation, as they’ve been called, suffered through hardship and deprivation in the depression (no coffee, no sugar, no nylons and no work) and learned to innovate and create something out of nothing.  And those changes stayed with them.   I still remember my parents saving plastic containers and shopping at Goodwill, even when it was no longer necessary. 

         Importantly, that generation developed common values of personal responsibility, duty, honor, country and faith because they fought a common enemy – first the Great Depression, then a Great War.

        Their remarkable actions provided succeeding generations (you and me) with opportunities to excel like never before.

        Now, like them, we fight a common enemy and we can no longer deny our need for cooperation and dependence on one another.  By working together, by digging deep within our own resources and resolve, we will win this COVID-19 war and all the effects reverberating through our economy, our relationships and our way of life.  We will be tested, but we will make it!

        As the saying goes, it is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars. 

        How are you shining in this time?  I’m becoming a “zoomie,”  doing on-line counseling and trying to encourage others by writing – like this blog or on social media and hosting a Bible study counseling class.  Those are my gifts and where I think I can do the most good.

        You have gifts and are perhaps learning new skills that will benefit you and others.  This is the time to shine!  And this is your time to share!  You may inspire someone else! 

The next virus wave -- your mental health

MENTAL HEALTH  --- THE NEXT VIRUS WAVE

 “I’m safe but I’m not ok.  I need to talk to you.”

             As the days go by, I believe we’re going to hear more comments like this one: “I’m safe but I’m not ok,”  The next virus wave is hitting us like a tsunami after an earthquake– the impact on our mental health.   

            We’ve all been surviving through this pandemic by going through the stages of grief, whether we realize it or not.  Denial, depression and anger arise as we struggle to deal with loss.           

Yes, we’re going through grief because we’ve experienced loss – loss of life as we knew it, loss of contact with other humans, and perhaps scariest of all, loss of control.  There’s so much going on we can’t control --  the virus sweeping the world, lock-down orders and the new reality of quarantine. It’s no wonder people don’t feel ok because we humans tend to catastrophize the unknown. 

The impact of such loss can be overwhelming.  We undoubtedly know someone who has caught the virus or has loved ones affected and they can’t go near them, can’t offer the comfort of their presence or a steadying hand.  During such times, stress, fear and grief impact the immune system as an overload of cortisol bombards the mind.

There are other risk factors which arise during such times as well. 

Dr. Hunter Kennedy, Executive Director of Colorado Footprints for Recovery, stated “isolation is one of the components for usage and addiction.”  And Vincent Atchity, CEO of Mental Health Colorado emphasized the importance of dealing with our mental health:  “This particular crisis really drives the message home that our physical health and our mental health are not two separate things.  They are, in fact, two sides of the very same coin.  Our thoughts, our beliefs and our faith make up the glue that holds us and society together.”

Now’s the time to focus on what we can control, what we are in charge of, and keep in mind these tips:

1.     Normalize the emotions – it’s ok to feel and go through all the stages of grief.

2.    Take back control of the part of the world you can – that’s pretty much all inside your head.  Remember, your brain is the #1 organ responsible for your immune system, and we need a strong immune system to withstand the mental and physical toil of the upcoming days, weeks and months.  You might be isolated, but you can face-time friends and family.  You may not be able to see other people at work, church or school, but you can take an on-line class or join the rest of us in learning how to operate Zoom 😊  As you control those parts of your world, the world outside won’t seem so frightening.

3.    Protect and feed your mind – You can get all the critical, necessary information you need in 3 minutes.  This is not the time to insatiably feed on news coverage of the latest crisis.  Instead of being tormented by the “what if’s,” spend time remembering “what is.”  Recording three new things to be grateful for each day might be the start of a new habit which will serve you long beyond this time of crisis. 

4.    Nourish your physical body – eating lots of comfort foods might feel reassuring somehow as we “stress bake” and binge on Netflix series.  This is the week to start the exercise routine, even if it’s in a different place.  This is the week to eat healthy foods and experiment with some new recipes using coconut flour and dates, for example, instead of sugar and flour. 

5.    Don’t forget your spiritual regimen – that time you spend with God in prayer and in His Word will bring calmness to your spirit and harmony to your being.

I am heartened to hear of restaurants providing meals to hospital workers and that more people are watching church services online.  People are sharing and becoming creative in all sorts of ways.

That simply tells me:  The times that try men’s souls are the times we have opportunities to rise and shine.     

Negative Assumptions -- They're Killers

Negative Assumptions – They’re Killers

 “The doctor didn’t call today; I know that means the test results are bad and they just don’t want to tell me.”

“She looked upset; I know she’s mad at me.”

“He didn’t text.  He doesn’t love me anymore.”

“They didn’t even look at me or say hello or anything today.  I know we’ll never be friends again.”

Have you ever thought things like this?  Naaaahhhhhh not you, right?  Guess again.  I believe I can truthfully say that most people have experienced this worrisome condition at some time in their lives and if they’re prone to anxiety and depression, they’re suffering a lot. 

Such assumptions cause stress hormones like cortisol to start racing through your body like a lake rapidly covering all surrounding territory after the dam breaks. When you think about it, you’ll realize negative assumptions arise out of fear.

·         “What if I’m going to die?”

·         “What if I lose that friendship?”

·         “What if we get a divorce?”

The devastation caused by such damage, especially if it happens repeatedly, is severe, ranging from stress and depression to ulcers, illness or divorce.  Even scarier, negative assumptions can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies and you hear yourself saying, like Job of old, “what I feared has come to pass.”

Yet, you can survive and even thrive after you become aware and then begin to capture and change those negative assumptions.  Couples often get caught in this trap, reluctant to communicate because they might not like what they hear.  And so the assumptions pile up against the ever-weakening dam of their relationship.

Turn the tide by learning from this couple I cited in my book, “Yes! I Said No!”

Todd recently asked his wife Sandra this question: “What did you mean by that?”

His question took her by surprise because he had never asked her that before.  But his tone was respectful, with a genuine “I-really-want-to-know” attitude.  She quickly recovered from her surprise, and they began to discuss an earlier conversation.  As they talked, both realized he had misunderstood something she had said.

It was a good thing he asked the question.

Don’t be afraid to ask the question.  Face your fears and call the doc’s office; get up your courage and reach out to your friend.  Or, do what Todd did and ask your spouse, “what did you mean by that?”

Your relationships will grow closer; your body will appreciate the necessary care you give it, and most of all you won’t let negative assumptions rule you – because they can be a killer.

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I Remember the Bad..............And It Helps

I remember the bad……… and it helps

   When you are knocked to your knees by things you didn’t see coming or that you were unprepared to handle, don’t let that fate become your future. 

There have been times when, looking back over the year, I’d “count my many blessings and name them one by one.”

Not this year.  This year I cried.  A lot.  This year I felt discouraged.  Many times.  This year I had to keep giving myself a pep talk to “practice what you preach” about gratitude, faith and believing.

Our son has been through 10 months of hell with severe back pain, stomach issues, weird problems with thyroid issues – and he no longer even has a thyroid.  If you’ve ever walked with a loved one through such torment, you know it drains you, frustrates and annoys you, because you can’t help.  They’re suffering, and because they are, you are.  Yes, that’s where I’ve been.  

Then I remember the bad…….. and it helps.

“Why?”  you might ask.

Because when I remember other bad times and other terrible situations I’ve been through, when I reflect on others’ pain and that they’ve somehow made it, I’m encouraged to believe I can too.    

 I remember when I was bed-ridden for almost a year, in severe pain, unable to work, clean my house or cook.  And yet, even though it seemed to stretch into eternity, I did recover, and returned to work and life. 

I remember bad days when my husband seemed to be wasting away in front of our eyes and no one could decide if he had Lyme’s disease or some other debilitating horror.  It was a very bad year.  However, he came back stronger than ever and now, when others are taking it easy, he bounds up stairs in a way younger men would envy.   

I remember my niece hearing those dreaded words, “if you have family. you need to say your good-byes.”  That was not a good Easter season.  Nevertheless, that same year at Christmas, she gleefully checked off a bucket-list item and waded into the Pacific Ocean for the first time ever. 

I remember the bad…….. and it helps.

I saw a quote the other day that read like this:  “On particularly rough days, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that’s pretty good.” 

Yes, I remember the bad days.  And it helps. I celebrate because life seems even more precious now.  When you have bad days or a bad year, remember you’ll get through them.   As the old saying goes:  “What does not kill us makes us stronger.”   Bill Johnson once talked about Faith being both a Gift and a Fruit, and fruit can grow.   Perhaps ironically, it seems the prime growing season for Faith is in bad times.

 That’s why I remember the bad…….. and it helps.

If this has been a great year of counting your blessings, I celebrate with you!  However, if you say, “this was not a good year,” I encourage you to remember:  this too shall pass.

When you are knocked to your knees by things you didn’t see coming or that you were unprepared to handle, don’t let that fate become your future.  Get back up.  

And sometimes if you remember the bad you’ve been through…..it will help. 

The Scary Trifecta of Mental Health -- Anxiety, Depresson and Bipolar

            I’m a counselor, right?  So I figure it would be good to write something about anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder, a trifecta of mental health experiences you’ve probably heard about. 

Cease and desist complaining!

 Random Facts About Anxiety

The constant and continually changing worries of people with anxiety disorder are mostly about everyday matters; they can’t shake the feeling that something bad will happen and they will not be prepared. (missing an appointment, losing a job, having an accident)  Anxiety is the most common mental illness in the U.S. 

            Included in anxiety conditions are various phobias like social phobia, agoraphobia and OCD, or obsessive compulsive disorder.  And if you’ve ever had a panic attack, you know those symptoms of heart racing, numbness and  tingling in your extremities, short, gasping breaths can send you to the emergency room, thinking you’re having a heart attack!  That’s how scary anxiety can be. 

            As shown on the thermal images of the picture above, the brain’s chemistry is directly affected in anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder. 

Depression

Is more than just sadness.   People with depression may experience a lack of interest and pleasure in daily activities, significant weight loss or gain, insomnia or excessive sleeping, lack of energy, inability to concentrate, feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

            A recent study revealed that in general, 300 million people worldwide experience depression.  That’s 300l,000,000 – a lot!  About 50% have both anxiety and depression.

            As in anxiety, the brain’s chemistry is impacted by an overload of adrenaline creating cortisol, the stress hormone.  High levels of cortisol can wear down the brain’s ability to function properly, so you definitely want to stop that production as quickly as possible! 

            Fortunately, depression is treatable. A combination of therapy and antidepressant medication can help ensure recovery. (American Psychological Association). 

 Bipolar Disorder

A serious mental illness in which common emotions become intensely and often unpredictably magnified. Individuals with bipolar disorder can quickly swing from extremes of happiness, energy and clarity to sadness, fatigue and confusion. These shifts can be so devastating that individuals may choose suicide.

All people with bipolar disorder have manic episodes — abnormally elevated or irritable moods that last at least a week and impair functioning. But not all become depressed (WebMD)

            Although bipolar disorder is a disruptive, long-term condition, you can keep your moods in check by following a treatment plan. In most cases, bipolar disorder can be controlled with medications and psychological counseling (psychotherapy).

 What Can Be Done About These Three?

            If things are bad enough, you may need an antidepressant and/or anti-anxiety medication.  With bipolar disorder, you generally need to see a psychiatrist to see if you will benefit from a mood stabilizer as well. 

Some other helpful things you can do on your own:

·         Science agrees that food can be a powerful tool for people dealing with depression and anxiety.  The good and bad news:  Sugar throughout the day with ice cream and candy needs to be cut way down.  And, of course, as we have all heard (but might not heed) the messages of no grains, no dairy, more healthy fats, medium amounts of protein and most importantly, lots of vegetables.

·         Exercise is so beneficial that some people have overcome their symptoms by regular working out, running, or walking.  If you start feeling anxious, doing a few jumping jacks, or a quick walk around the office or home helps give that extra adrenaline a place to exit! 

·         Set healthy boundaries – I once had a client with an extreme case of anxiety and depression who began to speak up for herself, told her family and friends no most of the time so she could choose to say yes when she wanted. (See Yes! I Said No!)

·         Care enough to confront.  Many people avoid confrontation like the plague; as a result, they often stuff anger and resentment so deep it turns into depression.  I have a list of 10 guidelines to help you confront positively that you can receive by contacting me at barb@barbrarussell.com 

·         Practice gratitude.   I believe this is so crucial, it could have gone to the top of the list.  Most people automatically look for what’s wrong (a survival mechanism, after all), but that continual sweep of your environment or hearing what’s wrong repeatedly in the media (including social media), will definitely stress you out!  I recommend writing down 3 new things you are grateful for each day. 

I trust this information has been helpful; if I can provide additional information or answer any questions, I am happy to do so. 

Here’s to living well – Barbra Russell   

HOW DO YOU HANDLE "ONE OF THOSE DAYS?"

How Do You handle “One of those days?”

A three hour traffic jam

A mechanical problem on the plane

An obnoxious drunk

            What do these three have in common?  A common thought -- “oh no, it’s going to be one of those days!”

That’s the day I experienced and the thought I had a couple of days ago.  And the thought was becoming a fast-rushing train hurtling toward my peace of mind.  My day would be derailed if I didn’t gain control of that out-of-control thought. 

I’ll tell you what I did to get back on track, but first let me fill you in on the ingredients of that mess.

             It was one of those days…… Actually, it seemed like a few days.

The first problem – A three-hour traffic jam.  Jerry and I had been on a combination business/pleasure mini-vacation and were headed back to Phoenix when we saw cars lined up ahead of us.  There were no nearby exits; we were stuck.  We sat there, parking-lot style, for three hours. 

The next day we prepared to go home, ready to leave our problems behind.  But no.  We boarded the plane, taxied out to the runway when the pilot announced these dreaded words:  “Ladies and gentlemen, there’s a mechanical problem which requires us to return to the terminal for the mechanics to fix it.”

 We were stuck in the airplane for an additional hour which seemed like three.  It was already late at night, almost midnight, and I thought I’d try to rest a while.  But no.  An obnoxiously and obviously drunk lady behind us very loudly kept proclaiming we were all going to die! Even after we finally took off, she kept loudly cursing and laughing until I wanted to turn around and slap her! (In Christian love, of course)

I can assure you, I got no rest and exhausted, fell into bed after 1 AM 

The next morning at work it was tempting to wonder, “OK, what’s going to go wrong now?“

Well, I decided to change the direction of those thoughts because I know the enemy would love nothing more than for me to live in negativity, worry and defeat.  I think he’d love for all of us to live that way!

But I decided to stop that train and take charge of me.  I took a few minutes to read what God says about renewing our minds.  I took a few minutes to pray.  I took a few minutes to do my “shake and bake exercises and stretches” to change my thoughts, my energy, and my body. 

In just those few minutes. I began to feel calm and was able to focus on all the things I was grateful for in spite of those aggravating incidents.  We did not die.  We got home safely.  I changed my thoughts to joy and anticipation for the next adventure.  Because it is true that while we cannot always prevent what happens to us., we can change how we respond to it.  And sometimes, as in this case, we have to see how quickly we can rebound. 

Life isn’t about how fast you can run or how high you can climb….

It’s all about how well you can bounce! 

How do you handle life’s obstacles and irritants?  How fast and well can you bounce?  You probably have a different “formula” you follow to renew your mind, but contact me by commenting below if you would like more details about the steps I took. 

Cancer Saved My Life

Cancer Saved My Life

With a sense of wonder and awe, our son said, “I just realized that cancer saved my life.”

“That’s a strange statement, “I thought, but upon reflection, I had to admit it was true.  We had been reminiscing during the Thanksgiving season about the major physical challenges Dane has endured.

It all began when he was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  As you can imagine, our family immediately experienced the fear, doubt and questions about why God let this happen.  Why did this healthy young man who had served God all his life be struck with cancer?  In spite of our prayers, the cancer didn’t miraculously disappear.   Unable, of course, to answer those unanswerable questions, Dane followed the doctor’s recommendation to have immediate surgery to remove the malignant organ.

Then, as if that bombshell wasn’t enough to deal with, the anesthesiologist found a problem with his heart. And that problem required open-heart surgery.

 Open heart surgery? Really, God? What’s up with this? Hasn’t he gone through enough?

Probably others facing such life-threatening news or continuing problems can fully understand the wide range of emotions we all rode like a wild carnival ride roller coaster. 

Once again, we prayed for a miracle.  We hoped for a miracle.  We believed for a miracle.  But nothing seemed to change.      

  Dane still had to undergo two major surgeries and all the rehabilitation required afterward.   

We didn’t fully realize that a miracle had happened until years later.

 I believe that can happen to anyone. When you are going through struggles, especially ones that stick around, it’s hard to see that anything good is happening.  How many people despair after years of seemingly unanswered prayers?

•        Are you still struggling with a health issue?

•         Do you have a dream that God has not yet granted?

•         Do you have other prayers that have not been answered?

You, like Dane, may not realize that God is working a miracle on your behalf. And this Thanksgiving that’s what Dane realized.  First, it was a miracle his thyroid cancer was even discovered. The doctor said usually this condition is not discovered until it’s too late.  Secondly, because he had to have surgery, the problem with his heart valve was discovered. Either one of those conditions was a silent killer, waiting to pounce suddenly, without warning.

            But a miracle did happen and, as Dane declared, “ cancer saved my life.”

            Don’t get discouraged when you think God has forgotten you; it may be years later that you look back and realize a miracle happened. It might even show up as cancer.

 Barbra Russell, MA, LPC                                                    

Healthy Boundaries Class

Yes, I Said No!
Setting Healthy Boundaries

Why We Need: Yes, I said No! Setting Healthy Boundaries:

In this class, participants will discover the answer to such questions as:

●       Have you experienced burnout or find it difficult to have time for both work and family?

●       Do you find it difficult to speak up for yourself?

●       Do you ever feel you have too much to do and not enough time to do it?

●       Is your life controlling you, instead of your being in charge of your own life?

All these concerns, and more, can be solved with proper boundaries to protect work/life balance and the challenges of an overloaded schedule or demands from family and friends. 

     “Setting Healthy Boundaries” is an eight-week class starting March 1 offered at the Potter’s House Church of Denver, 9495 E. Florida Avenue.  There is no charge for this class which will be held on Thursday evenings from 6:30-8:00 p.m. 

      Presented by Barbra Russell, Licensed Professional Counselor and author of the book, Yes! I Said No! – How To Set Healthy Boundaries and Increase Your Self Esteem, these classes will help you regain your passion, excitement and life balance. 

      Class participants will learn how to:

 ·        Say no without blowing up, wimping out or running away

·        Learn how to care for people without carrying them

·        Balance work and life in a healthy manner

     To more information, contact the counseling department at The Potter’s House at 303-369-8514

It's Ok For Things To Go Fantastic!

IT’S OK FOR THINGS TO GO FANTASTIC!

            You know it’s not good news when the doctor says he needs to talk to you, and you might want to have your family with you.  Michelle Rackley, our niece, called to give a tearful report of what had just transpired in her hospital room.   

Special moment with niece Zion

“You need to say your good-byes to your family and friends.  We’ve done all we can do.”

            “How long do I have, doctor?”

            “No more than two months.  I’m very sorry.”

            It was Easter, and this season which represents resurrection and new beginnings, instead looked like death and despair. 

            Unfortunately, it was all too understandable.  Michelle had struggled with medical issues for many years.  She had survived over 60 surgeries, lethal infections like the deadly MRSA virus, her body was crisscrossed with scar tissue like a patchwork quilt, and now there were blood clots scattered throughout her upper torso, inhibiting normal blood flow to her heart and preventing any corrective surgery.

It seemed even her strong will and unrelenting faith could go no further. 

Fortunately, when people like Michelle have gone as far as they can go, there are others who pick up the baton and continue running the race.  Prayer warriors, some who knew only her name and her critical condition, began to intercede in prayer on her behalf.  And, miraculous things began to happen.  Her body started healing.

I am pleased to tell you that nine months later, we celebrated Christmas with “Miracle Michelle,” enjoying the gourmet meals she prepared.  She’s an unashamed foodie and accomplished cook with a bucket list of places not yet seen and food not yet tried.

We watched as she put her foot in the Pacific Ocean for the first time and gleefully accompanied her to yummy foodie stops in California.  What a celebration! 

From Easter’s message, “Prepare to die” to a New Year’s promise of “It’s ok for things to go fantastic,” Michelle has a new theme for her life. 

If you find yourself in a hopeless situation, hear what she has to say about her experience, “I believe every prayer was an investment into me being whole!  I want people to know that God is still healing today.” 

In other words, IT’S OK FOR THINGS TO GO FANTASTIC! 

Transition and Stress

      Everyone will experience change, a transition, at one time or another.  

There is nothing so consistent as change

                During a time of transition, people normally experience stress because our brains and entire beings seek homeostasis, a survival mechanism.  We want things to stay the same.  here are some helpful tips to deal with transitions and the accompanying stress. 

                 We can help others – and us – by doing three things:

1.  Normalize This Time – People are not crazy; it’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions during this time.  From depression, anger, sadness, & disappointment to confusion and triggers which remind us of previous trauma and loss; it’s all normal

2.  Grieving The Loss – We all go through the stages of grief because in transition, we always lose something.  As in the death of a loved one, the stages apply here as well:  Shock and denial, anger and depression come and go as we grieve.  Just when we think we’ve successfully navigated one stage, we find ourselves back in the same feelings.  Again, that’s normal.  Grieving is crazy-making!  We eventuallymove to acceptance with sadness for the loss.

3.  Process The Feelings – It’s important that people don’t stuff all that grief and emotions but rather have opportunity to process, or talk about, the change in a healthy manner.  We can help by using the following skills:

•  Create Safety – Provide confidentiality; knowing what they share with you won’t go any further.

•  Listen without judgment – paraphrase the content and feeling; they will feel understood.  “i.e.,  “I hear you saying you feel pretty angry about this.” 

• What NOT To say: 
   
• • Just trust God
  • Look on the bright side
  • I conquered it this way
  • Just read and pray more
  • Or any other “advice-giving” statements.  Unsolicited advice is like chopped liver – not appreciated. 

Adversity is Difficult but Good

I recently tweeted this:  "Adversity is difficult but good - it makes you develop muscles and resources you didn't know you had."

A reader commented:  "Yes.  My "muscles" are almost on bodybuilder level.  (smile) It's all working for my good though."

I thought that's an excellent way to look at this process -- because bodybuilders are tough, they're toned, they're usually preparing for a contest.  

We daily enter a contest we call life -- the more times we go through adversity and exclaim, "Whew!  Made it," we're usually a little wiser, a little tougher and more prepared for the next challenge in this experience we call life.