Negative Assumptions – They’re Killers
“The doctor didn’t call today; I know that means the test results are bad and they just don’t want to tell me.”
“She looked upset; I know she’s mad at me.”
“He didn’t text. He doesn’t love me anymore.”
“They didn’t even look at me or say hello or anything today. I know we’ll never be friends again.”
Have you ever thought things like this? Naaaahhhhhh not you, right? Guess again. I believe I can truthfully say that most people have experienced this worrisome condition at some time in their lives and if they’re prone to anxiety and depression, they’re suffering a lot.
Such assumptions cause stress hormones like cortisol to start racing through your body like a lake rapidly covering all surrounding territory after the dam breaks. When you think about it, you’ll realize negative assumptions arise out of fear.
· “What if I’m going to die?”
· “What if I lose that friendship?”
· “What if we get a divorce?”
The devastation caused by such damage, especially if it happens repeatedly, is severe, ranging from stress and depression to ulcers, illness or divorce. Even scarier, negative assumptions can turn into self-fulfilling prophecies and you hear yourself saying, like Job of old, “what I feared has come to pass.”
Yet, you can survive and even thrive after you become aware and then begin to capture and change those negative assumptions. Couples often get caught in this trap, reluctant to communicate because they might not like what they hear. And so the assumptions pile up against the ever-weakening dam of their relationship.
Turn the tide by learning from this couple I cited in my book, “Yes! I Said No!”
Todd recently asked his wife Sandra this question: “What did you mean by that?”
His question took her by surprise because he had never asked her that before. But his tone was respectful, with a genuine “I-really-want-to-know” attitude. She quickly recovered from her surprise, and they began to discuss an earlier conversation. As they talked, both realized he had misunderstood something she had said.
It was a good thing he asked the question.
Don’t be afraid to ask the question. Face your fears and call the doc’s office; get up your courage and reach out to your friend. Or, do what Todd did and ask your spouse, “what did you mean by that?”
Your relationships will grow closer; your body will appreciate the necessary care you give it, and most of all you won’t let negative assumptions rule you – because they can be a killer.
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