It’s holiday time – families gather around tables, or you’re with coworkers at the annual Christmas party.
The scene sounds like an idyllic picture, right? But if you’re the one captured by well-meaning but nosy people, you can feel like you’re trapped in a prison cell,.
“When are you going to have kids?” “Are you ever going to get married?” “What kind of job is that?” “How much money do you make?” The list can go on and on.
How do you, an adult with your own life, respond? Most of us don’t want to be rude in return, we want to be polite, but we just don’t want to answer such questions. We figure, “It’s my life; it’s none of your business.” Actually, it's becoming more common to be child-free. A Forbes October 2022 article stated a significant portion (44%) of non-parents aged 18 to 49 years old say it's unlikely they will have children.
A reporter recently asked me to help her with a story she was writing on being child-free. Her question: “how do you handle or shut down the sometimes intrusive and prying questions women get over the holidays from friends and family?”
I gave her some tips, some of which are taken from my book, Yes! I Said No! How To Set Healthy Boundaries and Increase Your Self Esteem. You can change the wording to reflect any situation you might encounter.
Five tips:
1. Prepare ahead of time. When you're caught by surprise, you may stumble, stutter or make little sense.
2. Don't be defensive, feeling you must justify your being child-free.
3. Don't explain - keep your answers short and sweet
4. Use the broken-record technique - if they keep pushing, repeat your chosen phrase.
5. After your response, follow-up with a question - How about you? Do you have kids? How old are they? Or other questions about hobbies, travel or the latest movie they've seen.
Specific phrases you can choose and practice; again, I’ve written them with a “child-free focus.”.
• I don't know whether I'll (we'll) have children or not. I'm taking my time to think about it, and I'm happy with that decision.
• I've (We've) decided not to have children.
• Dolly Parton said: "Since I had no kids and my husband was pretty independent, I had the freedom to achieve my dream of becoming a country star." You can say something similar.
• We want kids someday, but it's not in our plans right now.
Worst-case scenarios to the rude and pushy person who won't let it go:
• I know you mean well, but this is a personal decision.
• Oh, why were you wondering? (use humor). You need more kids for the baseball team?
This year don’t dread the holidays. Experience the freedom that comes with setting boundaries.
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