How To Deal With Negative Thoughts
First, how do thoughts cause pain? Here’s a few ways:
a. Stress – covid year, loss, no touch
b. Negative beliefs – I’m not good enough, etc.
c. Fear from negative assumptions – the dreaded “what-if’s”
d. Messages from the past – Who told you you’d never make it? Where did you hear, “You’re too sensitive,” etc.
Secondly, and more importantly, how do we deal with them?
What doesn’t work
Trying to ignore them, or push them down. We even try to get real stern and command them to go away. “Stop thinking that way right now!!!!” The problem is, those thoughts can come back stronger, especially when we’re stressed
What works?
Remember that just taking something away is not the key, because nature abhors a vacuum, and negative thoughts just love to come rushing back.
Here’s three steps to deal with negative thoughts:
Stop – Get distracted; get physical
2. Replace – What positive thing can you think of instead? (Hint – reading from your gratitude journal)
3. Repeat – Our brain creates neural pathways from repetition, so building a new path, so to speak, requires repeated attention and consistency.
To permanently get rid of those pesky negative thoughts, you need to change your values and beliefs around them. For example, in your family, you may have been taught: “Being proud of yourself is wrong.” “Taking care of others is more important than taking care of yourself.”
And the underlying belief is: “This is how you show love.” “This is the correct way to think, act, believe.” These then become values, beliefs you assimilate. No wonder it’s so hard to change those types of negative thoughts!
Here’s some things to keep in mind when you desire change:
1. You may need counseling/therapy
2. It may feel “wrong”
3. You will probably need to set some boundaries
Aaahh, but then, when you’ve successfully challenged and changed negative thoughts, here’s the next step:
Celebrate!
The best revenge — when you succeed after “they” said you couldn’t do it. There’s an old saying that goes: “The best revenge is a life well lived.”
My husband is a great example. Jerry worked for a terrible boss who kept telling him he was dumb, stupid and ignorant. But Jerry got help; he took action and he now enjoys knowing he’s very smart, talented and he’s also free!
For most of us, life is about change, about growth; it’s about pain and loss and falling off the horse, if only to see if we can get back up again. And when we do, when we climb back up on that horse after being thrown, we’re not the same person who let a horse throw him off.
So keep after those negative thoughts – don’t let any falls keep you from climbing back up and becoming a better person.