A 5-year Journey to Healing: Tying Knots and Finding Hope

A 5-Year Journey to Healing: Tying Knots and Finding Hope

April 1st marks a significant milestone for the Russell family - five years since our world was turned upside down. Five years since Dane, our vibrant son, was suddenly struck with a debilitating illness, leaving him bedridden and we, his parents, feeling helpless, stressed, and bewildered.

A question echoes in our minds: how could this once healthy, vibrant individual, a teacher and counselor admired by many, become a mere shadow of his former self?

Dane had already battled through thyroid cancer and open-heart surgery, only to face yet another daunting challenge. April 1st, 2019, for many, signaled the onset of isolation due to the Covid-19 pandemic. But for the Russell’s, it marked the beginning of a different kind of isolation, one of medical uncertainty and emotional turmoil.

Doctors struggled to pinpoint the exact cause of Dane's condition, let alone offer a viable treatment. The consequences were devastating - Dane lost his job, his home, and worst of all, his health, all in one fell swoop. Nights were spent in the ER, with needles, prodding, and prayers offering little relief. "I don't want to live like this!” Dane cried, and that anguished cry echoed in my ears day and night; yet I remained helpless.

In the midst of medical interventions and desperate prayers, we could only cling to hope. We plastered Dane's room with healing scriptures, filled the air with worship music, but still, nothing changed.

What do you do when you reach the end of your rope? You tie a knot and hang on, as the saying goes. And that's precisely what we did, clinging to each other and our faith with unwavering determination.

Then, in the fall of 2023, a glimmer of hope emerged. We attended Andrew Womack's Healing Conference, where, though no instant miracle occurred, Dane began to slowly improve. Encouraged by this progress, Dane took a leap of faith and enrolled in Charis Bible College, where he found solace and healing amidst a supportive community.

And now, on this April day, our family embarks on a journey we were forced to abandon five years ago. We visit Glenwood Springs, indulge in the soothing waters of the Hot Springs, and stroll through Vail, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of skiers

We marvel at the majestic beauty of Garden of the Gods, relishing in Dane's infectious laughter and radiant smile once more.

For us, this journey has been one of resilience, faith, and unwavering hope. Now we want to stand as a beacon of encouragement to all who find themselves in the midst of their own dark night of the soul.

As the old saying goes, when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” For if there's healing for Dane, there's healing for you. If there’s hope for Dane, there’s hope for your situation, no matter how dire.

Tie a Knot and Hang On!

Stress, Mess and Goldilocks

As Christmas approaches, the age-old question echoes in our minds: Which comes first, the stress or the mess? Much like pondering the origin of the chicken and the egg, it seems that both are intertwined in a dance of holiday chaos.

Ironically, the better you are, the more you may experience this conundrum. Yes, you can be stressed, but not necessarily in a negative way. The worry about project outcomes is accompanied by a sense of drive and energy. Whether you love your job or not, worry, stress, and anxiety are familiar companions in demanding roles.

Enter the Goldilocks Principle, as Dr. Bhatnagar calls it—the delicate balance of stress and anxiety. Like Goldilocks seeking the perfect porridge temperature, individuals perform optimally with just the right level of anxiety. Too little may signify disinterest, while excessive anxiety can harm self-esteem. Stress, a response to external factors, isn't inherently bad; short bursts are beneficial, releasing cortisol for sharper thinking. However, chronic stress is the real Grinch stealing our well-being.

Recognizing signs of healthy anxiety—excitement and manageable worry—versus harmful stress, like sleep troubles and physical symptoms, is crucial. Change, a significant stressor, whether positive or negative, is as consistent as, well, change itself.

Our lives underwent changes this past year. We returned to Colorado, and as Christi said, "Now Barbra is back in CO, and all is right with the world." We're in Colorado Springs, enjoying a view of the mountains from our backyard. Dane's back pain improved, allowing him to enroll at Charis Bible College in Woodland Park, CO. Positive stress.

However, we also faced the challenge of succumbing to Covid after many years. It was a harrowing experience, as many can relate. Just now recovering. Negative stress.

I'm sure your life has been a mix of positive and negative stress, change, and adjustment. As you sample different "porridge" in search of that "just right" spot, remember that you are special—to me and many others.

Remember, life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Most of all, I pray your Christmas will be blessed, and may your New Year be filled with love and happiness.

Jerry, Barbra and Dane Russell

STRESSED! Who, Me?

STRESSED! WHO, ME?

Stressed? Who, Me? Yes, you. Stressed? Who, Me? Yes, me.

We all get stressed. And some of us STAY stressed.

But wait!! I have good news!! it gets better as you get older. Yep, the happiest people according to recent research are those ages 60-80.

There are several reasons:

• The older you are, the more self-assured and confident you are.

• Older people have better mental health

• Your life is likely more stable the older you get

• When you’re older, happiness means being content with what you have.

Let’s talk about these 4 points:

1. The older you get, the more self-assured and confident you are.

The search for identity is over

You’ve tried things, failed at some, succeeded in others and learned a lot. All that practice leads to self confidence (It’s why we give our kids chores – they hate them, but it helps them become confident in their abilities.).

Hopefully you, like me, have become a reformed people-pleaser. The practice of setting boundaries pays off.

2. Older people have better mental health

“Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.” Bill Watterson. Older folks have survived enough calamities to learn that lesson.

This quote by Bill Keane is an adage people who’ve lived for several decades know and appreciate.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present.”

3. Your life is likely more stable the older you get.

Those awkward high school years and tumultuous 20’s are seen from the rearview window.

You’ve formed solid relationships – I well remember friends we’ve known for over 30 years

You’ve been successful at work and helped your children grow into responsible adults.

4. When you’re older, happiness means being content with what you have.

As Sheryl Crowe sang, “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.”

Happiness is not reserved just for the older generation, however. Researchers describe the “happiness curve” as a U-shaped one, with happiness at a high in your 20’s, dips in middle age and shoots back up again in your 50-60’s to be enjoyed for many years to come.

Overall, the research is worth noting – especially given the fact that many people think aging is a negative more than a positive experience. Just a little something to keep in mind if you’re dreading the number of candles on your next birthday cake.

As Gertrude Stein famously said, “You look ridiculous if you dance. You look ridiculous if you don’t dance. So you might as well dance.”

How To Deal With Negative Thoughts

How To Deal With Negative Thoughts

First, how do thoughts cause pain? Here’s a few ways:

a. Stress – covid year, loss, no touch

b. Negative beliefs – I’m not good enough, etc.

c. Fear from negative assumptions – the dreaded “what-if’s”

d. Messages from the past – Who told you you’d never make it? Where did you hear, “You’re too sensitive,” etc.

Secondly, and more importantly, how do we deal with them?

What doesn’t work

Trying to ignore them, or push them down. We even try to get real stern and command them to go away. “Stop thinking that way right now!!!!” The problem is, those thoughts can come back stronger, especially when we’re stressed

What works?

Remember that just taking something away is not the key, because nature abhors a vacuum, and negative thoughts just love to come rushing back.

Here’s three steps to deal with negative thoughts:

1. Stop – Get distracted; get physical

2. Replace – What positive thing can you think of instead? (Hint – reading from your gratitude journal)

3. Repeat – Our brain creates neural pathways from repetition, so building a new path, so to speak, requires repeated attention and consistency.

To permanently get rid of those pesky negative thoughts, you need to change your values and beliefs around them. For example, in your family, you may have been taught: “Being proud of yourself is wrong.” “Taking care of others is more important than taking care of yourself.”

And the underlying belief is: “This is how you show love.” “This is the correct way to think, act, believe.” These then become values, beliefs you assimilate. No wonder it’s so hard to change those types of negative thoughts!

Here’s some things to keep in mind when you desire change:

1. You may need counseling/therapy

2. It may feel “wrong”

3. You will probably need to set some boundaries

Aaahh, but then, when you’ve successfully challenged and changed negative thoughts, here’s the next step:

Celebrate!

The best revenge — when you succeed after “they” said you couldn’t do it. There’s an old saying that goes: “The best revenge is a life well lived.”

My husband is a great example. Jerry worked for a terrible boss who kept telling him he was dumb, stupid and ignorant. But Jerry got help; he took action and he now enjoys knowing he’s very smart, talented and he’s also free!

For most of us, life is about change, about growth; it’s about pain and loss and falling off the horse, if only to see if we can get back up again. And when we do, when we climb back up on that horse after being thrown, we’re not the same person who let a horse throw him off.

So keep after those negative thoughts – don’t let any falls keep you from climbing back up and becoming a better person.