Secrets are no fun

🤫 You know what they say about secrets – they’re no fun. 🤫

Picture this: It's the dead of night, and the phone shatters the silence. My heart races. It's my 68-year-old mother, her voice trembling with urgency. She has a secret to reveal, convinced that her time is running out.

What unfolded in those early morning hours unlocked a door to my past, shedding light on my upbringing and my relationship with my father. The patterns woven into my life by that revelation ultimately led me to penning my first book, "Yes! I Said No!"

Curious to hear more? I recently had the pleasure of chatting with Ginger Monceaux on her podcast, "The Midlife Empress." In our candid conversation, we delved into the profound impact of secrets and trauma on our present lives, the lifesaving role of counseling and coaching, the myth of people-pleasing as a spiritual gift, and the fascinating insights from understanding brain chemistry in fostering healthy relationships.

🎧 Tune in to the episode using the link below. After listening, drop a comment or leave a review. And don't forget to share the wisdom with your circle. Let's start a ripple of empowerment and growth together! 🌊

[Link to the podcast episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/secrets-are-no-fun-a-deep-dive-with-barbra-russell/id1705941089?i=1000654807687]

I'm all ears for your thoughts and reflections. Let's keep the conversation flowing! 💬 - Barbra

A 5-year Journey to Healing: Tying Knots and Finding Hope

A 5-Year Journey to Healing: Tying Knots and Finding Hope

April 1st marks a significant milestone for the Russell family - five years since our world was turned upside down. Five years since Dane, our vibrant son, was suddenly struck with a debilitating illness, leaving him bedridden and we, his parents, feeling helpless, stressed, and bewildered.

A question echoes in our minds: how could this once healthy, vibrant individual, a teacher and counselor admired by many, become a mere shadow of his former self?

Dane had already battled through thyroid cancer and open-heart surgery, only to face yet another daunting challenge. April 1st, 2019, for many, signaled the onset of isolation due to the Covid-19 pandemic. But for the Russell’s, it marked the beginning of a different kind of isolation, one of medical uncertainty and emotional turmoil.

Doctors struggled to pinpoint the exact cause of Dane's condition, let alone offer a viable treatment. The consequences were devastating - Dane lost his job, his home, and worst of all, his health, all in one fell swoop. Nights were spent in the ER, with needles, prodding, and prayers offering little relief. "I don't want to live like this!” Dane cried, and that anguished cry echoed in my ears day and night; yet I remained helpless.

In the midst of medical interventions and desperate prayers, we could only cling to hope. We plastered Dane's room with healing scriptures, filled the air with worship music, but still, nothing changed.

What do you do when you reach the end of your rope? You tie a knot and hang on, as the saying goes. And that's precisely what we did, clinging to each other and our faith with unwavering determination.

Then, in the fall of 2023, a glimmer of hope emerged. We attended Andrew Womack's Healing Conference, where, though no instant miracle occurred, Dane began to slowly improve. Encouraged by this progress, Dane took a leap of faith and enrolled in Charis Bible College, where he found solace and healing amidst a supportive community.

And now, on this April day, our family embarks on a journey we were forced to abandon five years ago. We visit Glenwood Springs, indulge in the soothing waters of the Hot Springs, and stroll through Vail, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of skiers

We marvel at the majestic beauty of Garden of the Gods, relishing in Dane's infectious laughter and radiant smile once more.

For us, this journey has been one of resilience, faith, and unwavering hope. Now we want to stand as a beacon of encouragement to all who find themselves in the midst of their own dark night of the soul.

As the old saying goes, when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” For if there's healing for Dane, there's healing for you. If there’s hope for Dane, there’s hope for your situation, no matter how dire.

Tie a Knot and Hang On!

Stress, Mess and Goldilocks

As Christmas approaches, the age-old question echoes in our minds: Which comes first, the stress or the mess? Much like pondering the origin of the chicken and the egg, it seems that both are intertwined in a dance of holiday chaos.

Ironically, the better you are, the more you may experience this conundrum. Yes, you can be stressed, but not necessarily in a negative way. The worry about project outcomes is accompanied by a sense of drive and energy. Whether you love your job or not, worry, stress, and anxiety are familiar companions in demanding roles.

Enter the Goldilocks Principle, as Dr. Bhatnagar calls it—the delicate balance of stress and anxiety. Like Goldilocks seeking the perfect porridge temperature, individuals perform optimally with just the right level of anxiety. Too little may signify disinterest, while excessive anxiety can harm self-esteem. Stress, a response to external factors, isn't inherently bad; short bursts are beneficial, releasing cortisol for sharper thinking. However, chronic stress is the real Grinch stealing our well-being.

Recognizing signs of healthy anxiety—excitement and manageable worry—versus harmful stress, like sleep troubles and physical symptoms, is crucial. Change, a significant stressor, whether positive or negative, is as consistent as, well, change itself.

Our lives underwent changes this past year. We returned to Colorado, and as Christi said, "Now Barbra is back in CO, and all is right with the world." We're in Colorado Springs, enjoying a view of the mountains from our backyard. Dane's back pain improved, allowing him to enroll at Charis Bible College in Woodland Park, CO. Positive stress.

However, we also faced the challenge of succumbing to Covid after many years. It was a harrowing experience, as many can relate. Just now recovering. Negative stress.

I'm sure your life has been a mix of positive and negative stress, change, and adjustment. As you sample different "porridge" in search of that "just right" spot, remember that you are special—to me and many others.

Remember, life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Most of all, I pray your Christmas will be blessed, and may your New Year be filled with love and happiness.

Jerry, Barbra and Dane Russell

A Thursday Miracle

A Thursday Miracle

It was a Thursday when the miracle happened.

We had been thinking about moving back to Colorado and in May we decided to put our house in Oklahoma on the market. We received an offer the next day.

We were going to Colorado to be with friends the following week, so we decided to look for a place while we were there.

The first day of house hunting we found our dream home. It had vaulted ceilings, an open-floor plan design and, most importantly, a view of the mountains! Yes, this was the place for us.

God helped us sell the place in Oklahoma, right? So this was surely His will. We submitted an offer. We took lots of pictures, shared our exciting news with family and waited to hear if this would be our new Colorado home.

Finally the next day our realtor called. “Guys, I’m afraid I have some bad news. They accepted another offer.” We were disappointed, of course, but rallied to say, “well then, God must have something better for us” and drove back to Oklahoma. Houseless.

For two weeks though, I couldn’t get that place out of my mind. I kept looking at the pictures and felt this was supposed to be our house. I had tried to accept defeat graciously, but guys, I’m just not that kind of person!

Then came the Thursday morning when God and I had a talk. “God, you know we really wanted that house. Now, if you have something better for us, show us. But…. What I’d really like is for something to happen to that other contract. OK, God?”

Thursday afternoon, Rich Kolosso, our realtor, called. “Guess what? The other people backed out of their contract. Their agent wants to know if you’re still interested in the house.”

Were we interested? You bet! God answered my prayer that very day – a Thursday miracle!

It’s June; I’m in my office in our new home, looking out the window and I gratefully say, “Thank you God. I feel so loved.” And I’ll never forget that day – Thursday, the day a miracle happened.

Is There Too Much On Your Plate?

How do you tell someone your plate is full? There’s never been a better time to learn what to say, or how to deal with this or other issues in your life. Counseling can help. However, you may have some reservations like this woman I talked to recently.

She said: “I’d like to get some counseling, but……”. I knew what she was thinking:

1. “I can’t afford it.”

2. “I have a hard time asking for help.”

3. “I'm not sure I have the time.”

These are common concerns; however, if you want things to change, you really can’t afford NOT to talk to a counselor.

THE BOTTOM LINE: YOU INVEST IN YOURSELF WHEN YOU SEEK COUNSELING

Here’s something to help you make that decision.

People have recently asked if I offer package deals, and In these stressful times, it only makes sense.

Effective March 1, I am offering three different counseling packages which will save you money and start the process of investing in you – your personal growth, and your start to a different, better life.

Hear what some previous clients have to say:

“God used you in miraculous ways to help me find a new normal! You gave me the courage to push through when I wanted to give up and you kept peeling back the layers until I was able to just say no and have no guilt. I still say to myself in situations: what would Barbra say! Thank you for being you and all that God designed you to be! Love you always!”

“My sessions with you have helped me stop fighting with my adult daughter and now our relationship is so much better. Thank you, Barbra”

“You helped me recognize I had a mental health disorder and working with you has been the biggest blessing of my life! It has made such a world of difference; you’re an absolutely amazing therapist.”

Here’s the good deal

Cost for Counseling: Per Good Therapy: in most areas of the country, a person can expect to pay $100-$250 per session.

My current therapy fee is $100 per hourly session. With a choice of these three different package deals, you can save from $50 to $250.

Package Cost

PACKAGE ONE: Three-sessions $300 value: $250

PACKAGE TWO: Six sessions $600 value: $500

PACKAGE THREE: Twelve sessions $1200 value: $950

Research has shown common benefits of counseling such as:

1. Improved communication and interpersonal skills

2. Greater self-acceptance and self-esteem

3. Ability to change self-defeating behavioral habits

4. Better expression and management of emotions, including anger

5. Relief from depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions.

Take advantage of one of these packages or purchase a gift certificate for someone else by contacting me today. Confidential sessions are available online wherever you are located. Call 720-263-6257 or send me an email at: barb@barbrarussell.com

I’d love to hear from you, Barbra

p.s. I also offer individual and group classes based on my book, Yes! I Said No!

In these classes I help people learn how to set healthy boundaries. Because, let’s face it, many people try to do everything and please everyone. Men and women interested in growth hire me to help kick the habit of saying yes when they need to say no.

“With Barbra’s book, almost all my relationships have improved. (A scant few of them I walked away from completely because the relationship did not bring peace) And that’s a really big deal to me because relationships were a mystery to me. It’s all fun and games at the start but what if one of you steps into the weeds? I didn’t want to just cut people from my life. I wanted to know the secret to walking with them without inadvertently being drawn into worthless drama and becoming exhausted.”

Contact me today

720-263-6257

barb@barbrarussell.com

Oprah Winfrey Couldn't Set Boundaries

Oprah Winfrey Couldn’t Say No

            Oprah once said, “I was 40 years old before I learned to say no.  I was consumed by the disease to please.  The word yes would be out of my mouth before I even knew it. 

            After years of listening to other people’s stories, I finally recognized where this came from for me.  Having a history of abuse also meant a history of not being able to set boundaries.  Once your personal boundaries have been violated as a child, it’s difficult to regain the courage to stop people from stepping on you.  You fear being rejected for who you really are.  So for years, I spent my life giving everything I could to almost anyone who asked.  I was running myself ragged trying to fulfill other people’s expectations of what I should do and who I should be.” 

            Perhaps you’re not famous like Oprah (who is, right?). Perhaps you’ve not been abused (although many have).  But you may very well have become a People Pleaser.  (I was) And you may have a hard time saying no. 

            Here’s the good news:  In my book Yes!  I Said No! I discussed why it’s so hard to say no, that people pleasing is not a spiritual gift, and how you can learn to care without carrying.  And now I’ve designed a Master Class to discuss these topics and more.  You’ll also learn from other people in the class.  Other benefits include:

·      Ways to handle conflict in a healthy way

·      Become a Reformed People Pleaser

·      Find Out if You’re Codependent

·      How To Say No

Setting Healthy Boundaries is a skill you can master.  Join me in this six-week Master Class where you will receive specific tools to set healthy boundaries and take control of your life.  Included in this class: 

• Live Teaching

• Live Interaction

• Book and Workbook Included!

• Codependency Assessment

• Practical Tools

• Easy-to-understand

• Practical Tools

• Discount if you already have the books

Every Tuesday evening from 6:00 p.m. — 7:30 p.m. CST from March 22 - April 26th.

I’d love to see you there; click this link for more details and to register: 

https://www.barbrarussell.com/masterclass

What If....... You make routines, not resolutions this year?

It’s time to make New Year’s Resolutions!

Because that’s what people do, right? It’s January - Make resolutions.

Come February – those resolutions are generally ruined.

What if you did something different this year?

Make routines, not resolutions.

Here’s what that might look like:

Resolution: I’m going to lose 20#

Routine: Daily walking for 20-30 minutes

Resolution: I’m going to regularly do devotions

Routine: Read the Bible while I’m flossing my teeth

Resolution: Stop watching/listening to the news

Routine: TV only turned on once a day to something positive/enjoyable

Resolution: I’m taking better care of my mental health

Routine: Meet with a therapist every week

Resolution: I’m going to have a better relationship with my spouse/friend/child

Routine: Meet for coffee or lunch every Saturday

What happens? Those routines become tiny changes which bring about remarkable results.

James Clear, in his book “Atomic Habits” addresses this as well:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” – In other words, your routines are your systems. When you have a regular routine, you’ve started establishing a system.

“Every ACTION you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.” The thought, the resolution, the intention is not enough. You must take action – start with a routine.

Here’s some tips:

1. Take small steps – The death of resolutions or any new routine is to

make it too general and too BIG!!

2. Tie your routine to something you already do; what James Clear calls “stacking habits.”

3. Know what works for you. As most of you know, when I decided to do regular stretching so I could walk without a limp, I tied that to an existing routine. I already got up, made coffee, read the paper, then went about my day. (See tip #2)

My new routine came with retraining my brain with a “reward”– “Barbra, you can read the paper and have a cup of coffee after you’ve stretched your leg.” I started with a few minutes (see tip #1)

Before long, it felt so good, I added more time and pretty soon, it’s a routine-- that became a system-- that became a part of my life.

What are your desires for this new year? The most common resolutions across the US revolve around a healthier body, a healthier mind and healthier finances.

What if……. You turned those resolutions into routines?

Happy New Year”s Routines 2022 from Barbra

The Very Thing You're Reluctant To Do.......

Thinking of You This Christmas


Hello from the Russell’s –2021 - A year of change for us.  

    At the beginning of the year, the Russell’s were firmly ensconced in our comfortable, safe place in Colorado where we’d lived and worked for 50 years.  
    Mid-year – July, to be exact, we were loading up and moving to Oklahoma, defying all my “I’ll never’s…..”

•    I’ll never move again – it’s too hard; we’re too old
•    I’ll never live in Oklahoma again – never liked it, never will
•    I’ll never find another home, hair stylist, or restaurant we love where everyone knows our name…….

But of course, you know the rest of the story – we are prime examples of the quote, “Never Say Never.”  We did all those things.   And glad we did.  Our new home state is refreshingly patriotic, Godly, and my family is near-by.   Good things have happened as we retired, moved, and started adjusting to our new life.

    How about you?  I know we're not the only ones who experienced some "stuff" in 2021. One thing I do know, however, it's always helpful to answer this question I saw posted on FB:  "Can we start a thread of good things that happened to you in 2021?  I don't care how small. Please."  

•     Here are some of the answers I saw:

      " Saw a dentist for the first time in 30 years
      * Got out of debt
      * My 85 year old mother is still with us
      * I was looking for a used fridge.  Instead found a used cat that had been abandoned in a parking lot.         
      I got up every day and was able to do whatever I wanted without fear or apprehension
      * I lived!  In spite of being accident prone! 
      * I turned 70 and I loved it.  Filling my bucket list.  Jumped out of a plane, zip lined, got 2 tattoos and more to do."
     Barbra’s response to this request:   "We moved to a place where I said I'd never go back. There my son found healing from a loooooooong and painful illness, my husband and I got healthier from some chronic conditions as well, and I learned for sure to "never say never". 
      And the lesson for us all: You never know when the very thing you're reluctant to do may turn out to be the very best for you.  
      No matter the year, no matter the circumstances, we're still here.   What good thing happened to you in 2021?  I'd love to hear it! 

With love, appreciation and true wishes for a great Christmas season, we say:
May your nights be starlit and your stockings filled with goodies chosen just for you.  And, most of all, may the baby in the manger and the Nativity Scene remind you that you are loved.  
Jerry, Barbra and Dane Russell 
Christmas, 2021

Why Are People Moving To Oklahoma?

Why are people moving to Oklahoma?   

We moved to Oklahoma this month and I was pleasantly surprised to find LOTS of people are moving here.  People from California, Washington and Oregon, and yes, even people from Colorado.

       After marrying, I left my birthplace and repeatedly proclaimed:  "I'll never move back to Oklahoma if they give me the WHOLE state!"  Famous last words, right?  Have you ever said "I'll never" and God just laughs and says, "we'll see?"  
       My famous last words were based on negative memories from childhood.  And negative impressions buried in your brain can be long-lasting, no matter the subject.  Fear, stubbornness. or doubt help cement them into a crypt which sometimes takes dynamite to blow to pieces.  

       Yet, remember this:  After the explosion, a new life can begin.  Because what is also true is God knows what He’s doing.  

       A Facebook memory popped up today with this quote: “Is your relationship with God sufficient for you to expect Him to exhibit His life in you?  To dare to let God be all He says He’ll be?”  For me, I had to ask:  “What if that means moving back to Oklahoma?”  My answer (after some thinking and praying I assure you,) was Yes.  

         What might it mean for you?   

 It starts with a decision – I’m going to let God be all He says He’ll be, even if it’s different from what I had imagined or planned.   “I have decided” – such freedom in those words!  (See chapter 4 of Yes! I Said No! – shameless plug)   

 In our new life in Oklahoma, we start by   
•    Celebrating what is already here:

        Beauty in nature, Bondi bowls from Australia, and friendly people who wave when they see you.  The icing on the cake is that we are now closer to my family!  
•    Next, learning about people, places and things around us.  
           I learned about a couple of courageous women from Edmond, our new hometown:
    Shannon Miller is an American artistic gymnast and seven-time Olympic medalist.   
    She’s also a cancer survivor.  She writes: “My life had finally settled into a wonderful pattern of purpose and contentment…Then cancer happened – shocking and unexpected just like it is for the millions of other people it attacks every day.  Having Olympic medals didn’t count for a thing when facing this dreaded disease, but my tough training did. I knew how to set goals, eliminate negative thoughts, accept help from others, and keep moving forward one small step at a time.”
      Great advice, Shannon!   

    “Leaping Into History” – This sculpture honors Nannita R.H. “Kentucky” Daisey who gained fame during the Oklahoma land rush on April 22nd, 1889, when she literally leapt Into history by jumping from the cowcatcher of a Boomer train and marking her claim just north of Edmond with stakes and her petticoat. Catching the caboose for the ride to the Land office in Guthrie, she became one of the first unaccompanied women in the territory to file for a land grant in her own name. As a political activist, journalist and teacher, she continued to enrich her fellow Oklahomans for the remainder of her life, typifying those who have served to make our state great.
        Why are people moving to Oklahoma?  There are many reasons.  I, like Nannita Daisey, am leaping into this new adventure, marking a claim in Edmond and looking forward to making a difference.  
        I encourage you wherever you live, to fully embrace your life – your city, your state and your purpose.  Because God has a purpose for you just where you are.  

www.barbrarussell.com