Is There Too Much On Your Plate?

How do you tell someone your plate is full? There’s never been a better time to learn what to say, or how to deal with this or other issues in your life. Counseling can help. However, you may have some reservations like this woman I talked to recently.

She said: “I’d like to get some counseling, but……”. I knew what she was thinking:

1. “I can’t afford it.”

2. “I have a hard time asking for help.”

3. “I'm not sure I have the time.”

These are common concerns; however, if you want things to change, you really can’t afford NOT to talk to a counselor.

THE BOTTOM LINE: YOU INVEST IN YOURSELF WHEN YOU SEEK COUNSELING

Here’s something to help you make that decision.

People have recently asked if I offer package deals, and In these stressful times, it only makes sense.

Effective March 1, I am offering three different counseling packages which will save you money and start the process of investing in you – your personal growth, and your start to a different, better life.

Hear what some previous clients have to say:

“God used you in miraculous ways to help me find a new normal! You gave me the courage to push through when I wanted to give up and you kept peeling back the layers until I was able to just say no and have no guilt. I still say to myself in situations: what would Barbra say! Thank you for being you and all that God designed you to be! Love you always!”

“My sessions with you have helped me stop fighting with my adult daughter and now our relationship is so much better. Thank you, Barbra”

“You helped me recognize I had a mental health disorder and working with you has been the biggest blessing of my life! It has made such a world of difference; you’re an absolutely amazing therapist.”

Here’s the good deal

Cost for Counseling: Per Good Therapy: in most areas of the country, a person can expect to pay $100-$250 per session.

My current therapy fee is $100 per hourly session. With a choice of these three different package deals, you can save from $50 to $250.

Package Cost

PACKAGE ONE: Three-sessions $300 value: $250

PACKAGE TWO: Six sessions $600 value: $500

PACKAGE THREE: Twelve sessions $1200 value: $950

Research has shown common benefits of counseling such as:

1. Improved communication and interpersonal skills

2. Greater self-acceptance and self-esteem

3. Ability to change self-defeating behavioral habits

4. Better expression and management of emotions, including anger

5. Relief from depression, anxiety or other mental health conditions.

Take advantage of one of these packages or purchase a gift certificate for someone else by contacting me today. Confidential sessions are available online wherever you are located. Call 720-263-6257 or send me an email at: barb@barbrarussell.com

I’d love to hear from you, Barbra

p.s. I also offer individual and group classes based on my book, Yes! I Said No!

In these classes I help people learn how to set healthy boundaries. Because, let’s face it, many people try to do everything and please everyone. Men and women interested in growth hire me to help kick the habit of saying yes when they need to say no.

“With Barbra’s book, almost all my relationships have improved. (A scant few of them I walked away from completely because the relationship did not bring peace) And that’s a really big deal to me because relationships were a mystery to me. It’s all fun and games at the start but what if one of you steps into the weeds? I didn’t want to just cut people from my life. I wanted to know the secret to walking with them without inadvertently being drawn into worthless drama and becoming exhausted.”

Contact me today

720-263-6257

barb@barbrarussell.com

Venting - Is It Good or Bad?

Venting – Is It Good or Bad?

I’ve always told the interns I supervised, “healing happens when people get to tell their story.”

            Some researchers seem to disagree, however.  Jeff Haden writes: “Why Science Says Emotionally Intelligent People Follow the Rule of No Complaints.  When something bad happens, venting can actually make you feel worse – for days.”

 To complain or not to complain, that is the question.

Venting – is it good or bad?

  I’ve seen the results of “holding it all in.”  My mother was 68 years old before she spoke up.  Her father had physically and sexually assaulted her and all nine siblings.  I finally understood why she and my aunts and uncles had issues. My mother suffered with stomach ulcers, back pain and mental distress.  Her siblings became alcoholics or endured a variety of physical illnesses.   One became a sexual perpetrator like his father. 

No one talked about incest in those days. 

 The night she called us, my mother had suffered so long, she felt she was dying and urgently needed to speak out.  She did.  She vented – for l-l/2 hours. 

After she did, healing began to happen.

Over the years, people have told me their stories; stories of abuse, stories of trauma, hurt and unimaginable pain.  And when they finally let it all out, I see the relief and changes that start to occur.  Yes, healing happens when people tell their stories.

Why then does science say emotionally intelligent people refuse to complain?  How do they somehow stay positive and keep moving forward no matter what happens?  And what’s wrong with complaining anyway?

“Discussing events immediately, during or after they occur forces the brain to re-live or ‘rehearse’ the negative emotional response,’ the researchers write.  ‘This creates a stronger association in memory, exaggerating the influence of the emotional episode.”  In other words, complaining about a negative event actually cements the incident in your mind.  Instead of helping you to move on, complaining causes the negative feelings to bleed over into other areas of your life.  Add it all up and complaining makes you feel worse today AND worse tomorrow. 

 So what’s the deal?  Which is better?  To vent or not to vent?

Venting to process events, to be heard, to find solutions, is helpful.  For example, people talk to a counselor to:

·      Obtain clarity about a situation

·      Get unstuck

·      Find a new direction

Complaining sucks you down into a deep pit.  We’ve all heard people relate the same story again and again; it generally goes like this:

·      I have it so bad,

·      The world is a mess,

·      Other people have done me wrong

Here’s what they need to know, however.  People who complain experience worse moods, feel less satisfaction or pride in their work, feel less happy and experience poorer self-esteem.

  Those who vent to move forward experience the opposite.  They are happier, more resilient and remain positive in the midst of pain

            This doesn’t mean the only response to a negative situation is to simply grin and bear it.  Nor does it mean you just have to suck it up.  Inc. writer Justin Bariso says, “Emotional intelligence ultimately means making your emotions work for you, not against you.  So instead of wasting energy by complaining, blow off that steam by talking about how you’ll make things better.  What you’ll do next time; what you won’t do next time.” 

There’s a difference between venting and complaining. 

Make staying positive a skill -- one you improve through practice and repetition.

And, Haden goes on to say, don’t stop there.  When the people around you complain, listen.  Empathize.  And then help them shift their focus to finding ways to improve the situation.  Because research also shows that when your friends feel happier and more productive, so do you. 

Win-win. 

Do You Have a Dream?

Do you “Have a Dream?”

“I love Martin Luther King's “I have a dream” speech when he so eloquently declared: “I have a dream that even injustice will be transformed into an oasis of Freedom and Justice.” He gave us all hope that our dreams can take us from a state of hopelessness to an oasis of fulfillment where we drink deeply from the waters of who God has made us to be.

For some of us, like me, we may have to say: “it's never too late, and you are never too old,” to fulfill our dreams. I remember when I lost my job where I had worked for almost 20 years and I wondered what I should do next. God opened up doors for me to go back to school, get my Master’s degree in Counseling and become a Licensed Professional Counselor.

And today, years later, when I see some client with tears running down their face and I can help turn those tears of sadness into tears of gladness, I know ---- yes I know, without a doubt ----that the dream I discovered is the dream I was meant to live.

So today I say to you: “Never give up on your dreams.” Whether you've got a dream down deep in your heart that hasn't come to life yet, or whether you're not sure what God wants your dream to be, keep working on becoming the best you ----and make Martin Luther King junior proud!